Lots-o-Links 1.2.14

The links

Albert Mohler - "Some Thoughts on the Reading of Books" - Here are his main points, but you should read his whole article. Reading between the lines, I think he reads lots of comic books.

  1. Maintain regular reading projects.
  2. Work through major sections of Scripture.
  3. Read all the titles written by some authors
  4. Get some big sets and read them through
  5. Allow yourself some fun reading, and learn how to enjoy reading by reading enjoyable books.
  6. Write in your books; mark them up and make them yours. - "14 Resolutions for Writers" - I encourage you to check out ScribblePreach. I've been reading Nick for a short time and enjoying it. Here's one of his resolutions...

Start a project you can finish. Finish something this year: a short story, a series of essays, a short book. Before moving onto the big novel or book, finish something small to keep your momentum going.

Journal of Biblical Manhood & Womanhood - "The Wedding Vows 20 Years Later" - My post was published in the Fall 2013 issue...

I love you, Molly. Keep walking with me in these broken bodies and with these selfish struggles with sin; hold my hand, and let’s stay on this narrow path to something far better than what has so far been so amazingly good.

John Piper - "Don't Waste Your Weaknesses in 2014"

In 2014, I encourage you to identify and exploit your weaknesses for the glory of Christ.


Since 2007, millions of people have read books and taken inventories designed to find our strengths. These are useful for positioning people in places of maximum effectiveness.

But I am calling you to give attention and effort in finding your weaknesses and maximizing their God-given purpose.

Paul Tripp on TGC Podcast: Dangerous Calling

P77_Paul-Tripp_web (2)I loved the book by Paul David Tripp, Dangerous Calling (Kindle | WTS). I listened to his TGC talk via the TGC podcast yesterday, "Dangerous Calling," and it was wonderfully convicting. It's still pursuing me. I don't quite like how he handles the issue of sermon prep, though I agree with him in theory.

Check it out if you are a pastor, a pastor's wife, or if you need to know what your pastor may be going through. And if you are a pastor, don't just listen for you. Listen for the sake of your wife. It's in your face, but it's good. 

The Wedding Vows | 20 Years Later

Wedding cake

Today my wife and I are celebrating 20 years of marriage. I could write the obligatory post or FB update on how amazing she is and how undeserving I am and how I'm glad we get to go on this journey together and I hope we get 20 more years on this journey. I believe those things and could easily say them and mean them.

I could talk about how much joy I still have when I see her or hear her voice. But we've both come to realize that after 10 years those things were easy to say, but after 20 there's a whole lot of other things in our lives that won't allow me to write something trite because 20 years of marriage isn't easy. It's been very hard. The fun of the first 10 years disappeared a bit in the light of other developments. We often say to each other, remember when we used to make up corny songs or give each other silly nicknames? Of course we remember, but we don't do that nearly as much now. We still do some of that, but they have mostly disappeared in the light of other developments.

In the second 10 years of marriage God has made sure we understand things about ourselves we didn't wish to learn. He has brought us into and maybe never-in-this-body out of certain kinds of suffering. He has shown us how fragile life is with our marriage, our kids, our continuing struggle with selfishness and heart idols. So on this our 20th anniversary, we want to share some thoughts about marriage, mostly for my younger married and not yet married readers. We often think about you with a bit of envy that we can't go back to the time when marriage was easy and a daily adventure. It really was easy in comparison with what has come to us. And we know our experience won't be common to all, or the timing of what we have learned, but we hope others find it helpful as we have found it helpful to meditate on our marriage and share these things with you.

What I offer below isn't some well crafted, well edited article. It's my anniversary morning thoughts, unplanned beyond the time it took to write it. We talked as I wrote, and this post accurately relays how we feel. This is what 20 years of marriage vows have meant to us, though we could obviously say much more. And we hope to convey that we aren't complaining. We can't talk about the vows without mentioning the hard part of the vows. It's not pretty or easy, but it's good.

1. To Have And To Hold From This Day Forward

Having and holding each other felt pretty doggone good 20 years ago. I remember as a young unmarried man thinking of how amazing it would be to be married one day and holding a woman who loves me at any moment of any day that I'd like to hold her. And now 20 years later we hold each other less often than we did, but still a lot. Some days, right in the middle of the day, we will go lay in the bed for a bit and hold each other and talk about whatever. It still is a joy, though we find ourselves thinking of something that needs to get done and move on.

In a bigger sense, we 20 years later have still only each other to have, and each other to hold. There is no one else, and we love that. And we are still each other's best friend. What we started in only having and holding each other has continued. And we look forward to more days, weeks, months, and years of only holding one another. 

In the last 10 years, we didn't just get the pleasure of having and holding each other. We had to, often because there was little else in this life given to us by God to cling to. We still had each other. We held each other when under attack from gossips, when Molly had both of her brain surgeries, when horrible things happened to our children, when the things of this world and the messengers of Satan pushed us, we fell into the arms of God and each other. And we're still here.

It isn't good for man to be alone, and at times in ministry and in various times and places, it's been very lonely. I remember many days and nights, from early on to two days ago, where something in me needed to hold someone and she was there. By God's magnificent grace He has provided me with a beautiful, godly, loving have and to hold. And we move forward.

2. For Better, For Worse

We've had remarkable "better" times. I know a lot of married people who seem to love each other very much. Good on them. But I can't think of anyone who has more fun being married than me and Molly. It's a trip. And "better" times are just grand, when the bills are paid and the basement isn't flooding and the kids are getting good grades and there aren't any cavities. When times are good we sing together and enjoy each other's company. We forgive each other quickly and enjoy each others idiosyncrasies. We make time to hang out and talk, to get alone, to spend time around others. But anyone can endure the better times.

Especially during the last 10 of our 20 years the "worse" times have been pretty bad. Some very bad. Some things we've been through are still too painful to describe in a post like this, so I won't. Many of my readers already know some significant "worse" times through my blogging during and after Molly's brain surgeries. We haven't had it as bad as many others, and we've had it worse than many others. But comparison isn't the point and isn't how we think of our marriage. This is our road. It's our marriage. 

We've had to preach the gospel to each other a lot. In worse times the gospel can get lost. God has given us each other to put someone there day by day to speak of the cross and peace and grace and love and forgiveness when one of us is distracted by the worse of our own sinfulness or the bad things that happen to us. Our stresses tend to bleed into each others lives because we are one, but we endure together. Sometimes the one not suffering gets angry or bitter and the one who is suffering is suffering well and reminds the other of how Jesus suffered for us and the gospel breaks us of our bitterness. 

I had no idea what "worse" would look like in marriage. We were both naive. We thought we took the high and happy road by being fully committed to covenantal love for one another, and that would lead to a ton of better and little worse. Experiencially, it didn't. Though we've never even discussed divorce since we see it as a non-option, it doesn't take the breaking of a marriage apart for a married couple to be broken. Still God, through giving us one another, makes those "worse" time, as bad as they are, really a "better" time because He is there with us, and we are there with each other. 

3. For Richer, For Poorer

We've never appeared on the "richer" side of things for the American middle class context. My income has always been lower than to provide all the things we generally believe we need as Americans. After all this time our kids haven't gotten braces and don't have money for college.  The last 5-6 cars have been free or almost free, by necessity. Our last three homes have been parsonages or missionary housing, free of charge, and we have never owned a home or townhouse. Nearly everyone our age and life stage is driving something newer and better. Everyone's house is bigger. Everyone's retirement account is fuller. Probably not completely fair, but the feeling is there and mostly accurate. 

Mol sad

But 20 years of marriage has taught us that a bigger house doesn't make for a happy home. A nicer car often means a bigger car payment which we don't have. We aren't living for retirement, because we realize real rest is coming on That Day. Sure, we'd like a new BMW or Suburban to drive. Really we would. But being married and having four amazing kids and keeping things simple is a kind of riches to us.

When times have been very tight, we still retell the stories of God providing vans and houses and groceries. Our kids aren't hearing stories of financial achievement, but faith and a God who provides far beyond what we deserve. Our marriage has endured times where we have gone without because we go with God and with each other. We go with the Church who has loved us and given so much for the gospel's sake.

We hope our finances improve and we are able to provide our kids things that we want, and we are working and praying toward that end. But if we can't, we know One who can provide in riches and in poverty. He has proven Himself over and over. And my wife and I remind each other of that as often as we can.

4. In Sickness And Health

In connection to money, we should add here that the plan from early on, like many couples, was to keep Molly home from work during the formative years of our kids until she could work (if she chose to) once they entered school. It was very difficult, but we did it. She was earning almost $30 an hour as a dental hygienist early in our marriage. But we sacrificed for the kids. She worked at home with our kids and I held one or more jobs while full time in school. Then came her diagnosis with Chiari I Malformation resulting in 2 brain surgeries which pretty much eliminated her chance at that career or much of any other career.

She took a job working at a local elementary school with a special needs kid during school hours last year. It messed her up and she had to stop. Still many local friends think she stopped for no particular reason. Truth is, it was devastating to her health. Because she's pretty and always looks happy around others, most don't realize the sickness runs deep and has ongoing effect. Few understand what daily life is like when "health" seems to be a condition that will never describe her adequately again until That Day. 

Molly is "sick," never fully well, always living below the level of those first 20 years of her life and first 10 years of our marriage. Right now, for example, she wakes up every day wondering if she will have that particular headache that puts her down for a full day of vomiting and out of commission for anything else. And it's all a result of something no doctor is able to change. 

Both of us have suffered varying levels of depression and anxiety the last 10 years. The last 10 years both Molly and I have lost our ability to sleep well. Sometimes we can't fall asleep. Sometimes we can't stay asleep. Rarely do either of us feel fully rested. 

The first 10 years of our marriage I was in various stages of health, working hard both mentally and physically. After a few fun years of mountain biking and being in amazing shape, I found I had a few disc problems in my upper back. Often one day of exercise messes me up for weeks. Lifting weights has become nearly impossible. The only trip my family took to Disney World, I couldn't ride any coasters with the kids because of extreme pain when both awake and asleep. 

We've had times of health, and times of "sickness." What we have learned along the way is that we get to endure together and help each other in the sick times. I've told Molly many times that as odd as it seems I have found the times of her greatest fear and deepest sickness, namely right before and during her brain surgeries, to be times of great growth for me. She is helpless and needy and I get to serve her. I learned to take care of her household duties as well as do my own work as a pastor. I learned to have someone lean hard on me in times of incredible need, and I enjoyed being there for her. I learned to lean hard on God because I was forced to live beyond my means...which is what I should have been doing all along. 

Sick times have only begun. Our 20 years of marriage have us both about the age of 40, which is still young. We don't feel that young. Times get so bad that Molly will look at me and say, "I sure wish Jesus would hurry up and come back." She means it. And yet being married in sickness and health means we hold each others' hand while waking up another day and working hard for each other, for our kids, and for the sake of the world hearing the gospel. What a joy to have all this pain and endure it together as husband and wife for all this time.

Me mol

5. To Love And To Cherish 

What love meant to us 20 years ago was ridiculous. It meant a lot of awesome physical things (at least for me) and a general vibe of fun and adventure and playfulness and a general attitude of "What's next? Let's go do it!" For Molly it meant security and companionship. It meant sharing life with a best friend and lover. 

Now, 20 years later, love is so much better though at first it doesn't feel like it is. Love early on was all over the place. It was public displays of affection and big toothy grins in photographs. It was weekend trips and events and discovery of wonderful life stuff. We got to explore the world we inhabited and the pleasures of marriage together, and it was exciting. It hasn't stayed quite that way. 

With the births of our children in particular, the quick, heated, excited kind of love began to shrink. Actually, it didn't shrink so much as it transformed. Now our sharply directed love for one other became spread out. Anyone who tells you that you can experiencially love your spouse the same before having kids and as you are raising your raise kids isn't telling you the truth. It becomes work. Justin Buzzard has had to write a book about how to Date Your Wife because too often we stop. The first years of marriage was a constant date. Since having children, dating has has to become intentional. And those deep conversations into the night have become conversations into the evening after the kids are in bed and the last household chores have been done and "OH MY look at the time, I have to get up early in the morning for MOPS group." Goodness sakes. 

We thank God for those years of racy love and the millions of kisses and endless hours of playful teasing. That's a part of our love for and cherishing of each other. We thank God for the years of settling in to a deep and abiding love through huge mistakes, hurtful arguments, angry comments, putting off forgiving each other, apathetic stretches, and lulls between moments of kissing each other like we really mean it and don't have something better to do. 

Love has lost some of it's glorious youthful bite, but grown into learning I need to listen to her like her voice is living water poured into me. Love has become seeing gifts I am still learning to discover. Cherishing her has grown into a daily job of staring at her once again, like I did before, thanking God for the years on her face because it's those years of knowing each other deeply that gave her mildly aging face character and tells a thousand stories of her love for me, beyond what I have ever deserved. I've learned that loving and cherishing my wife almost never has to do with what sounds good to me, but learning what sounds good to her and letting her have that to her hearts content and being the one to enjoy supplying it for her. And yet I'm so far from doing that like I should. How much I love her, and how much I have yet to really love her.

5. Until Death Do Us Part

To end this briefly, we haven't gotten there yet. We've known for a long time it can end any day. We've never realized that more than right now. We've been given a 20 year gift and hope to enjoy it longer. But 20 years in we have absolute certainty that we have been given to each other less to have fun and more to work for each other toward that common joy of life eternal. We aren't headed toward a more perfect eternal marriage with each other, but with the Bridegroom who will show us what this momentary marriage was always pointing us to. It took us 20 years for this idea to actually sink in, but in many ways we've only scratched the surface of understanding what forever will look like. But considering the massive pain we've endured and the indescribable joy we've found in 20 years together, eternity is going to be a stunner.

I love you, Molly. Keep walking with me in these broken bodies and with these selfish struggles with sin, hold my hand, and let's stay on this narrow path to something far better than what has been so amazingly good.

Lots-o-Links 7.19.13


5 Evangelism Tips at We Are Soma

Earlier this year God woke me up from my sleep and asked me questions about evangelism. Questions like, “How many people did you share the gospel with this past year? How many people did you invite to gatherings? Why?” It was one of those gracious conversations that made me realize I was not evangelizing primarily because of my selfishness. I am too selfish to regularly tell people the best news in the world. I felt relieved that this could change and I am growing in evangelism. Here are 5 things God is teaching me about evangelism

Stop Hate-Watching The Church

But these Internet communities too often aren’t about healing. Not really. They funnel all of these triggers into one place, providing an opportunity for us to direct all of our rage, anger, and malice at what we have deemed to be rightful and deserving targets. These places of supposed healing become places of malice and mockery.

A Public Statement Concerning Sexual Abuse in the Church of Jesus Christ

In the hope that a time is coming when Christian leaders respond to all sexual abuse with outrage and courage, we offer this confession and declare the Good News of Jesus on behalf of the abused, ignored and forgotten.

16 Ways I Blew My Marriage | When my wife tells me I should read something like this, I listen. We don't agree with everything, but it's pretty good.

I don’t have marriage advice to give, but I have plenty of “keep your marriage from ending” advice (two equivocally different things), and that might be almost as good.

Thornbury's Mission to Revive Carl F.H. Henry

“I want to make Carl Henry cool again,” Thornbury exclaims in the introduction. Given that we can recognize Henry’s thoughts almost everywhere we look these days, such an aspiration is not terribly ridiculous. I would love to see the book cover in many a coffeehouse in the coming days, and would love even more to see Henry himself return as a staple of theological conversations. He was a giant whose legacy deserves to be recovered. As the new president of the King’s College, Thornbury is well positioned to do just that.

Lots-o-Links 6.12.13

The links

10 Reasons To Get Married & Have Kids Young

My list would look a little different than this, but Molly and I got married young, had kids young, and we love to encourage others to do the same. 

Tim Keller On How To Get Into Gospel Conversations

A video, but more importantly a nice outline of what Keller says.

Justin Taylor - On Writing Well

Go read more on Justin's four points:

  1. Read Slowly
  2. Read a lot
  3. Write to think
  4. Write and rewrite

The Church Planting Wife

Church Planting Wife

There has been no other book that I've been this thankful for, concerning my wife. She has been deeply affected by reading and meditating on The Church Planting Wife by Christine Hoover. I'm writing with her permission

Our marriage hasn't been the same since she started reading it. That's no overstatement. She's understood her role better, my role better, God's perspective and love and grace better, etc. I can't even describe the full impact this book has already had on her, and me. What I can describe is that I (as the husband) feel more encouraged by her, understood, helped, cared for, and loved. Sorry to be so vague as there are specific things I can point to, but I want to allow her to continue to process this book.

I asked Molly to provide me with a quote in the book or something to post, and she left me somewhere around 20 the ones she would single out for a post. I'll give you one. :) Here's a blurb from the book website about the book and a quote that has been meaningful for Molly. First, about the book...

Behind every church planter is a church planting wife, who plays an integral role in the formation of the church, who is often the sole encourager for her husband, and who juggles such an intense ministry while nurturing a family.

Because she is so crucial to the church planter and the church, church planting wives need support, encouragement, and help in their roles. They need an apt word from someone who has been there and applicable biblical wisdom that will sustain them.

Here's one of Molly's favorite quotes that has helped her refresh her calling as a church planting (or in our case, replanting) wife...

My husband has many people who care about him, respect him, and help him lead the church. But he only has one helpmate. I am the only one who listens to his deep discouragement, who satisfies his physical needs, who mothers his children, who is a constant and true companion, who protects his periods of rest, and who values his fruitfulness as much as he does.

Church planting is a "together" calling. 

Molly's response to the dozens and dozens of "aha" moments in this book has been that she wishes she had this book 10 years ago before I entered a full-time pastoral work. There are not only great chapters by Hoover, but helpful interviews with church planting wives like Lauren Chandler (Matt), Ginger Vassar (JR), and Jennifer Carter (Matt).

I've already ordered a copy for a church planter friend's wife and one to have ready to give out when the opportunity presents itself. I want you to pick up a copy for your wife, your pastor's wife (even if not a planter, trust me!), or whoever could benefit from this book. I had no idea when I got this book how much it would impact my marriage in such a short period of time. I'm praying it will have a lasting impact on hundreds of other church planting wives. Molly says to read it slowly and don't rush through it. Take it in, deal with your heart.

Buy The Church Planting Wife. Also pastor/planter/replanter wives should visit and read Christine Hoover's blog,

Chronic Suffering & Christian Hope

This is outstanding on "Longing for Wholeness." It's spot on for what my family is experiencing at the moment, and has been experiencing the last few years. Mark Talbot is apparently writing a book on profound suffering titled When the Stars Disappear. I look forward to buying that book, that has been his labor for years now, in light of this excellent teaching from Talbot at the Desiring God's Works of God Conference. Please watch or go listen to/download the audio. (via JT)

Longing for Wholeness: Chronic Suffering and Christian Hope from Desiring God on Vimeo.

Tim Keller: The Meaning of Marriage | $2.99 on Kindle

Meaning-of-marriage1The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller is $2.99 on Kindle. (It's now $12.99...hope you didn't miss the deal! But still, a good price for a great book.)

No idea how long this will last. But I own the physical copy & multiple other copies to give away (and use for marriage counseling). And I still bought this for Kindle. You should too. This may be the most important book written on marriage (or that will be written on marriage) for years to come.

Grab it, and tell others!  

Michael Frost | Romancing Your City

Michael frost

It sounded like a cheesy title, but Michael Frost (Exiles, The Shaping of Things to Come, ReJesus, The Road to Missional) delivered a simple, thought-provoking breakout at Exponential 2012 that I listened to by podcast last night. He compares a good marriage to how we say "I do" and "To death do us part" and the ongoing romance with our spouse with how a church loves her neighborhood (or city). I'd have some minor quibbles, but it was quite helpful for me.

Here are some of his thoughts and points from my sketchy notes, which you can see are comparable to marriage. Should we commit to our neighborhoods (cities) to a lifelong romance, till death do we part? Good thoughts here...

  • Move in to the neighborhood God has sent you to
  • Listen to your neighborhood
  • Talk to your mayor, police chief, fire chief, school principals
  • Eat in local restaurants, get in local cafes, walk the neighborhood
  • Ask people what they want, long for, desire
  • NOTE: Interesting section on midnight-5am "street pastors" 16:45 mark
  • "Listen to your neighborhood, it is telling you--if you listen hard enough--how to evangelize them, how to serve them, how to unleash an awareness of the reign of God in that place."
  • Partner with your neighborhood
  • Stay for a long time in your neighborhood (sickness or health, rich or poor, till death do we part)
  • You will move culture to a tipping point by transforming hundreds of thousands of villages across the nation.
  • If this place goes down, we will go down with you.

Challies Reviews Keller's The Meaning of Marriage

Meaning of Marriage

Tim Challies provides an excellent review of Tim Keller's newest book, The Meaning of Marriage. Below is his strong conclusion, but go and read the whole review and buy the book.

This is a powerful book; it is my new favorite book on marriage and the best of all the books I read in 2011. The Meaning of Marriage elevates marriage, making it something beautiful and holy and lovely. And with it comes friendship and companionship and sex and everything else God has packaged into the marriage relationship. This book celebrates it all and it does it within the greatest context of all—the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Having read the book through two times, I’ve found myself wondering how to best measure or evaluate it, but perhaps these criteria are useful: Would I want to read it with my wife or would I encourage her to read it on her own? Would I recommend it to the people in my church? In both cases the answer is an unreserved yes. In fact, I bought the audio book and listened to it with my wife and her assessment is the same as mine: Though there are many great books on marriage, this is the one we will recommend first.

Lots-o-Links 12.15.11

Web link

5 Ways Wives Can Encourage Their Husbands | Jared Wilson

When you nitpick and nag, you give mouthpiece to the accuser who wants your husband to know not only does he not have what it takes, he is worthless because of it. So find ways to constructively criticize and help him repent, but more than that, tell him what you like about him, how you find him attractive or admirable, how you respect him or are impressed by him. Outdo him in showing honor (Rom. 12:10).

Coming Together On Culture, Part 1: Theological Issues  | Tim Keller

On the surface, the Reformed and evangelical world seems divided between "Cultural Transformationists" and the "Two Kingdoms" views of these things. Transformationists fall into fairly different camps, including the neo-Calvinists who follow Abraham Kuyper, the Christian Right, and the theonomists. Though different in significant ways, they all believe Christians should be about redeeming and changing the culture along Christian lines.

Pencil Does Not Fade | Joe Thorn

A cursory search on the internet shows most people stating as fact, “Writing in pencil will fade over time.” Rather than trust the opinion of some random dude on Yahoo Answers who hasn’t even read an article on the subject, I thought I would ask some people who could give me better direction. So I contacted the National Archives. They were happy to answer my questions quickly and provide helpful references. After a few email exchanges with people who spend their time in historic documents, here is the bottom line for those wondering if writing in pencil will fade.

Graphite pencil is a very stable material.  It does not fade in light. It does not bleed in water unless other dyes were added.

Mark Dever - Reading Sibbes Aloud | After purchasing the 7 vol Works of Richard Sibbes I was reminded that Mark Dever, who literally wrote the book on Sibbes, has read aloud a number of Sibbes sermons. A nice idea, and worth checking out.

Tim Keller | Google Talk On Marriage

Tim Keller is 100 gifts to the Church. Maybe one of the most important is his ability to talk to non-Christians & intellectuals. Here's his hour long talk to the employees at Google on The Meaning of Marriage. How many Christians could talk to this crowd in such a reasonable and inviting way on an issue of decreasing weight in our culture? Wonderful. (HT:JT)

Gospel-Centred Marriage by Tim Chester

Tim Chester's new book, Gospel-Centred Marriage: Becoming the Couple God Wants You To Be, is out from The Good Book Company. It's short (about 100 pages) and perfect for personal study, couples study, and group study.

WTS has it for 60% off, but when you put it in your cart the first copy is reduced to $ has it for 65% off. Either way, it's a great deal on a new book you should own.