Reformissionary

Molly Update 12.17.10

It's taken a bit but we've finally found out about Molly's MRI. Here's an update on Molly & Chiari.

A. MRI read by her surgeon and it looks great. No problems. Thanks be to God that means not even a hint of need for or thought of surgery.

B. Molly's symptoms have progressively, though slowly, begun to normalize. Her physical symptoms were so bad at one point she had to break out her cane again. You probably wouldn't even notice anything if you saw her today. Mostly normal. Mentally there are still some issues. Brain fog, a bit of forgetfulness, lacking some focus at times. But those are better than before too.

C. Now, we are just hoping the symptoms stay away. We've asked the doctor about other things that may have triggered symptoms. A knock to the head or whiplash or falling or any number of smaller things can bring on symptoms. We believe what probably triggered Molly's are times of intense (even if brief) stress. Even getting startled can do it. I now try to make some noise when I enter a room where she is, because she can be easily startled and that can mess things up.

So yeah, I pretty much have lost all the fun of sneaking up behind Molly and having her scream in fear. That's no fun! :)

Thanks so much for your prayers. In many ways they have been answered. To God be the glory. 

Steve for Molly & the family

Phriday is for Photos 11.26.10

Danny in a waiting room while Molly was getting an MRI. It was on the 2nd floor overlooking a bunch of people working out at a sports medicine facility & gym. | My photography.

Coming Attractions 11.18.10

Here are a few things in the works...

1. Ads: You can see that I'm gearing up for some advertising on the right sidebar. I've thought about it for a long time & had some advertisers express some interest. I'm going to give it a go. It would be financially helpful for my family during tight times. If you are interested, click on an "Advertise Here" link. 

2. Links: I also want to add that whenever you see a link of mine to a book or music on Amazon with the Reformissiona-20 tag on it, that means I get a small cut for recommending it. It adds nothing to your cost. It's the same as if you went straight to Amazon. Essentially by buying products with my link you get same good price and help supply my book budget. I have no other book budget than this. Thanks for supporting it. And I work very hard not to just point you to anything in the hope of making some cash. I skip over recommending many deals that I don't personally want to recommended.

3. Reviews: I have reviews coming on Tim Keller's new book, Generous Justice, and Jim Elliff's reworking of Pursuing God. Both are great. Hope to get to both very soon.

4. Writing Projects: I have several blog articles in the works that have been fermenting for a while and that I'm excited about. I want to get a regular schedule for posting articles in the next couple of weeks. Look for that. I'm saying it publicly so I feel guilty if I don't get it started. :)

5. Phriday is for Photos: I haven't been very active in photography lately, but I'm also planning on getting it kicking again. 

6. Molly: I know it doesn't seem like a very cool "coming attraction," but expect more soon about my wife's battle with Chiari I Malformation. The blog has helped her to connect and minister to many women who are suffering the same things and scared. 

7. Tim Keller Resources: It's been a while since I seriously worked on my TK Resource page. Without doing anything a few things there look broken. I hope to get it back in shape for your resourcing pleasure.

Molly Update 11.9.10

It's been a long time since I gave an update on Molly, mostly because there has been nothing new. She has been great. That started to change a month ago. 

Over the last month Molly started to experience small, though not insignificant symptoms from Chiari. Read all the old posts on Molly & Chiari. Or check out an initial post from 2007 on what Chiari I Malmformation is.) On Friday she woke with a massive headache that caused her to vomit most of the day. Late Friday that was done, but other symptoms began and were full-on. She easily loses her balance, struggles to finish thoughts (brain fog), gets easily overwhelmed, has significant muscle weakness and some numbness in her arms and legs, and more. It's been consistently bad since Friday.

That's not a long time, and she has dealt with some symptoms from time to time and had them subside. That happened last year. But it hasn't been this bad since before her last brain surgery. We still are hoping and praying for the symptoms to go away, but they are bad enough that contacting Molly's doctor was necessary.

I emailed Molly's doctor, Dr. David Frim, at the University of Chicago Hospital. He responded today and said that it's time to initiate another evaluation. We are waiting for his assistant to respond and, we assume, make an appointment for us at U of C. We don't know anything about what tests that may require (MRI, spinal tap, etc). 

We have prayed for the symptoms/problem to go away, but were talking today about how God's power will be made perfect through her weakness (2 Cor 12). I'm assuming that's why she wanted me to use the above graphic for this post. :)

I'll post more when we have more info. If anyone can pray, please pray for God to be glorified through this, and to be merciful to Molly.

Also, if you can, pray for me as I will be spending a significant amount of time with her as she is losing ability to be out of the house for an extended period of time on her own. We ran errands on Monday and I don't think she could have done it without me there. This is on top of tough times in our church where money is tight and I'm busier than I've ever been. This is going to put significant strain on our family and we need His strength for all of it.

Thanks friends. We appreciate you.

Lots-o-Links 2.9.10

Brief Molly Update: Molly has been having some rough symptoms from her Chiari I Malformation the last 2 weeks. Day to day she doesn't know how she is going to feel. For the most part she keeps living and enjoying life and serving others as much as she usually does. In lots of ways she is looking to do more. What a lady! We are hoping the symptoms will just go away, and we believe they will in time. Thanks for praying for her.

I'm reviewing Gospel-Centred Life this week, Lord-willing. Already reviewed Gospel-Centred Family and Gospel-Centred Church.

Jonathan Dodson: 10 Tips for Missional Community Leaders

Jonathan McIntosh introduces us to the vision of Christ City Church in Memphis, his new plant. Maybe you or your church could help support this plant by my friend.

Christ City Church Vision Video from Rethink Mission on Vimeo.

Verge-alicious Stuff...

• I have a series of blog posts on Verge coming up.
• A couple of orgs mentioned: Grounds4Good, LifeTree Cafe, Help Haiti
• Alan Hirsch videos from Verge
• Post-Verge thoughts from Brent Thomas, Jonathan McIntosh, Brandon Hatmaker 

Francis Chan's animated video played at Verge: The Big Red Tractor...

The Big Red Tractor from Jacob Lewis on Vimeo.

Lots-o-Links 1.15.10

Praying for the people of Haiti. Please comment with your recommendations on where to donate to help, and feel free to include a link. Redeemer lists three ministries.

If you aren't reading Trevin Wax (Twitter) he's doing good blogging. His book, Holy Subversion, comes out soon. Worth checking out.

JD Payne, my church planting professor at SBTS, author, missiologist, is now on Twitter and blogging. I just got his newest book in the mail, Discovering Church Planting and look forward to digging into some sections that might help during our church renewal process.

Memphis is starting to talk about Jonathan McIntosh.

Mark Dever interviews Matt Chandler, pre-cancer diagnosis.

Brent Thomas is no longer the Baptist he never was.

Brief Molly Update: She is doing well, with no major symptoms or issues. Very blessed. 

Reflecting on Matt Chandler and My Wife

Please pray for Matt Chandler who undergoes brain surgery any minute, scheduled for 10:45am (central time). He writes this morning...

The last seven days have been some of the most interesting of my life. I have felt anxiety, fear, sadness and a deep and unmovable joy simultaneously and in deeper ways than I have felt before. I am grateful for this heightened sense of things. Today at 10:45 a.m. CST I will have a good portion of my right frontal lobe removed. I head into that surgery with a heart that is filled with gratitude and hope. (go read the whole thing)

Molly and I are praying during the surgery. 

Most of you know my wife has been through 2 brain surgeries. Molly's condition does not include the same level of concern that Matt Chandler's tumor brings to his family, friends, church and community. I know the difference between suffering with Chiari and the dangers of cancer -- my wife is living with the first and my Mom died of the second (breast cancer). I say all that to say that we can't fathom what the Chandler's have been going through and what's to come. Few of us can. But from my experiences of having a wife go through brain surgery, I can't help but reflect on what I went through from a spouse's point of view.

I remember the odd and surreal experience of sitting in a waiting room while Molly had "brain" surgery. Still hard to believe. I remember feeling alone. I remember the overwhelming joy and thankfulness of knowing that hundreds of people were praying for Molly before, during, after (and still ongoing). Many are complete strangers who connected with this website. I remember ideas jumping through my head in the waiting room as I knew nothing about what was happening during the surgery. I had to pray those away, those "what ifs" that I couldn't know and shouldn't dwell on. I remember getting good news of successful surgery only to know that going to ICU means serious concerns remain. I remember watching Molly's every breath, wondering why alarms would sound saying they are too shallow. I remember sleeping in my van and taking long walks through hospital halls. I remember a lot and still relive these things often. These experiences have watermarked every day after. 

I don't know all that the Chandler's will experience over the next week. Let me just offer two brief reflections on what we experienced... 

• There is nothing quite like knowing that you are one in a chorus of prayer for something or someone you hold dear. The internet, websites, blogs, Twitter and the rest are easily shrugged off by many who only respond to the worst practitioners. But for me (and I'm sure the Chandlers), events like this reveal how much technology can create pathways for a new kind of community, an expanded family of faith. It's something I'm very thankful for, and a reason I have often recommended blogging and Twitter and such to friends in lonely times in ministry and life. It might be good for you. Just be sure to share more than your thoughts and articles. Share your life too.
• It was a deep blessing to have our theology put to the test. I have a lot of education. I own many leatherbound books. I love the arguments and debates that theological education makes available, especially as we wrestle through ideas together. But seeing your spouse wheeled into a room where they will cut into her head with questionable results forces theology to be understood in reality and through experience. It reveals whether we truly believe God is in control. Whether our peace will come from laying our anxieties before him. Whether we believe our spouse is the treasure God intends. Whether God is truly a greater treasure for us than our spouse. It's God's mercy that we go through times where there is nothing to lean on but Him.

I'm done reflecting on our experiences and I'm beginning to pray for Matt and Lauren and the kids during this surgery. Will you join with me?

Lots-o-Links 9.16.09

Brief Molly Update: Molly has no issues on her new MRI/xrays according to her surgeon. So no surgery at this point. Symptoms will be treated medicinally, but it's a guessing game as to what to try and we aren't sure if the medicines will help. I should add that her symptoms, generally speaking, have improved a bit on their own over the last 6-8 days. We are very thankful things aren't continuing to get worse, and that no surgery is needed. But living with sypmtoms may be a permanent thing. Thanks for your prayers. I'll let you know if anything changes.

I hope in the next day or two to finally review Fight Clubs by Jonathan Dodson. I've been putting it off, and I've been rethinking some small group stuff in my own church and was doing some processing. If you haven't read this great gospel-centered book (55 pages) you can download it free and/or buy it at Resurgence.

Hopefully you are becoming very familiar with the great new missional resource, Rethink Mission, from Jonathan McIntosh. Check out his roundtable discussion on Leading from the Second Chair.

Stream the album from Volcano Choir: Unmap (including Justin Vernon, the voice of Bon Iver). It's really good. Also worth checking out is the Monsters of Folk album, streaming in full.

Always thankful when people write about how to help your pastor. A series of posts at Resurgence: Healthy Pastors.

Bad News: Molly's Symptoms Returning

Over the last 3-4 weeks or so Molly has gone from pretty much symptom-free to having nearly all of her symptoms from Chiari I Malformation return: numbness in hands/feet, strong headaches, some balance issues, some cognitive issues, etc. And of course along with that comes the frustration that everything in life becomes more difficult. Her surgery was in September, but blog readers know that it wasn't until about 4 months ago that she actually had symptoms mostly go away. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go catch up on all that's happened to Molly since her diagnosis in June of 2007 and 2 brain surgeries.

So far things aren't as bad as last year, but symptoms seem to be returning in progression and the last few days have been the worst so far.  Please pray for Molly.

Lots-o-Links 6.2.09

Brief Molly Update: All is very well with Molly and her Chiari issues. Sleeping is pretty much completely normal. She is taking no meds, works out regularly, volunteers in the schools, etc. Life is pretty much back to normal. We are so thankful to God for His mercy and her health. For a while we thought there may be no more days like this. 

John Piper: The Pastor as Scholar

Resurgence: Re:Train (Resurgence Training Center) launches & Re:Sound (Resurgence Music) launching soon. Re:Bound (Resurgence Basketball Association, also known as The RBA) and Re:Lative (Resurgence Genealogy Project) still in the works.

John Frame: Questions to Ask a Film

Daniel Block: Gideon's Fleece

Jonathan Dodson: Confessions of a Failing Disciple

SBTS Towers: 3 Questions with Tim Keller

Art of Manliness: The Art of Summer Grilling

Molly Update 5.4.09

Sorry it's been so long since I updated everyone on how Molly is doing. If you don't know about Molly's struggles with Chiari I Malformation, you can catch up here.

Molly's last major remaining issue post-second surgery has been sleep.  For several weeks after surgery she barely slept at all.  Her neurologist finally found a solution by prescribing a couple of medicines that helped get her sleep patterns in order.  It worked wonders.  But then several weeks ago Molly became increasingly sluggish during the day, to the point of laying in bed or on the couch for several hours each day, often multiple times a day.  One day she got the kids off to school and went back to bed after sleeping for more than 9 hours the night before. Our joy turned to great concern again.

At that point Molly was determined to get off medication.  Her neurologist made the statement more than once over the last couple of months that Molly may be on medication the rest of her life.  We didn't buy it and became frustrated.  At the very least we needed to test to see if she could sleep on her own.  Molly needed hope and wasn't hearing it. 

I'm pleased to say that a few weeks back, in the midst of her restless days, Molly was able to go completely off her daily medications.  Within a day or two of stopping the meds the sluggishness went away.  She regained a ton of energy and was still able to sleep at night.  It appears that what the meds did to fix her sleep pattern at first began to overcompensate and made her extremely tired.  She is now as active and energized as ever.

She still has nights where she just doesn't sleep well and sometimes will take an occasional sleeping pill the following night to recover.  But we are very pleased to say that Molly, generally speaking, is sleeping on her own and is off all daily medications.

Let me add that Mol had a recent sleep study, soon after stopping the medications. It revealed two important things. First, Molly never got to the deepest level of sleep. That might be a bigger deal but for the second thing.  Molly is at 88% efficiency in sleeping.  The neurologist was pretty happy with that. And that's in a hospital room with wires attached to her!  So hopefully the deeper, more restful sleep will eventually return. But for now the test seems to reveal that things are pretty darn good, and most mornings she feels pretty good.

Thanks again to all who continue to pray for Molly. I was blown away by the number of people I met for the first time at The Gospel Coalition who asked about Molly and said they were praying for her. My blog readers have all been such good friends to us, and we are grateful for you.

Lots-o-Links 3.31.09

Molly Update: Molly is very, very tired.  Every day she sleeps about the right amount of time and feels like lying down for the rest of the day. She can't nap well and never feels refreshed or energized. It's very frustrating for her. I regularly walk in the house or walk upstairs from my office and find her on the couch or in the bed. Her attitude is in the right place but her body just won't keep step. Calls to the neurologist and medication adjustments continue.

Links...

Curator: An American Beer Garden. If wishing made it so.

Listen free to the new Great Lake Swimmers album, Lost Channels, at Paste.

Seth Godin: Ignore Your Critics

Jonathan Dodson: Is beauty in the eye of the beholder?

Tim Chester: A review of Rob Bell's Everything is Spiritual

Donald Miller: Advice on writing from Stephen King. Unfortunately Miller spells it "Steven" which should be another piece of advice on writing. While we are on writing, what about cut and paste writing?

Kevin Gregg is the Cubs' closer, not Carlos Marmol. It's not as sexy to set up, but Marmol has been good at it.

Rapping flight attendant...

Lots-o-Links 3.17.09

Molly Update: Mol has been tired lately. Meds help her sleep, but she has just been dragging. We'll see what the neurologist says next appointment. No results on her neuro-psych test...other than Molly doesn't know jack about Madame Curie and can't do mental math as good as our 6 year old. Fortunately for her I married her for her body and not her mind. :) And yes, I had her permission to say that.

Jonathan Dodson: The Missiology of St. Patrick
Resurgence: Vintage Saints - St. Patrick

Devotional Christian has potential.

On March 26th Mark Driscoll will be on Nightline with Deepak Chopra and others discussing whether or not the Devil exists. That should be fun.

DA Carson: Portraits of Jesus in John's Gospel

Stephen Nichols: Jonathan Edwards' Apologetic In Theory and Practice

Tim Chester: Mission Planning in Acts

Resurgence: Interview with Matt Chandler (3.9.09)

Found at Culture Making: "Given what we have since learned about life in the concentration camps, why would anyone in his right mind waste time and energy writing or playing music? There was barely enough energy on a good day to find food and water, to avoid a beating, to stay warm, to escape torture—why would anyone bother with music? And yet—from the camps, we have poetry, we have music, we have visual art; it wasn’t just this one fanatic Messiaen; many, many people created art. Why? Well, in a place where people are only focused on survival, on the bare necessities, the obvious conclusion is that art must be, somehow, essential for life. The camps were without money, without hope, without commerce, without recreation, without basic respect, but they were not without art. Art is part of survival; art is part of the human spirit, an unquenchable expression of who we are. Art is one of the ways in which we say, “I am alive, and my life has meaning.” "

Finally Tonight, Jesus...

Lots-o-Links 2.19.09

Brief Molly Update: She is doing really well. Scheduling a neuro/psych test for the late summer and a sleep test in the near future.  Otherwise, all is relatively well.

Are you going to The Gospel Coalition 2009 Conference? C'mon!  I'm one of the speakers at Band of Bloggers. My topic is "What is the place for art and culture in Christian blogging?"  As you know if you've read Reformissionary for long that I'm very fond of music, photography and poetry. Should be a good time.

A summer Chicago Tea Party? Interesting CNBC video...

I'm hooked on the eyeballing game.

Marvin Olasky: Prodigal Sons: Part of the evangelical problem is knowing which brother we are

Everybody talkin' Calvinism. Scot McKnight. Alvin Reid.

Planning a Mars Hill sermon series.

Have you seen The Legend of Speedo Guy? Good stuff. Yes, Joe Thorn actually found something in sports that I hadn't heard of.

Molly Update 2.4.09

Just returned from Madison, Wisconsin where Molly met with pediatric neurosurgeon Dr. Ishkandar for a "second opinion" on her Chiari I Malformation and 2 brain surgeries (catch up here).  Ishkandar is a friend and respected colleague of Molly's neurosurgeon, Dr. Frim.  And they somewhat regularly refer patients to each other when they may benefit from "fresh" eyes. 

Dr. Ishkandar works at the American Family Children's Hospital in Madison.  He has been out of the country until recently, so Molly was finally able to meet with him.  He reviewed all of Molly's MRI's, Dr. Frim's operating room notes, and took down everything about her story from first symptoms to today.  Lots of info, lots of questions. 

He has basically asked for 2 tests.  First is a sleep test (overnight) in order to determine if there is something about her sleep that is making it less productive: apnea, brain activity, etc.  Second is a neuro-psych test (3-4 hours) that is a comprehensive test of her IQ, mental abilities, comprehension, and tons of stuff.  That is probably the most important test right now to determine where her deficiencies are and try to find ways to help.

Ishkandar thinks that Molly's post-surgery neurological issues (thinking, problem solving, finishing thoughts, etc) can be helped.  Her neurologist thinks the same, but this test is another big step in that direction.

The tone of the meeting was positive. He sees her as improving, even if plateued a bit.  He really believes it may take up to a year to see the full benefit of the surgery.  He sees no need for further surgery.  All MRI's look as they should.

Generally we are very pleased with the meeting. It confirms where we think we are right now, that things are getting better and that nothing can be done anatomically to improve things.  Another surgery would, in fact, probably make things worse at this point. 

Thanks for your prayers and notes today.  It may take a couple of months (at least) to get in for the tests.  We'll let you know if/when something gets on the calendar.

Molly Update 1.20.2009

It's been a while since I gave you a full update of how Molly is doing.  If you don't know, my wife was diagnosed in 2007 with Chiari I Malformation. You can catch up here.

This is as good as Molly has felt since surgery in September of 2008.  It seems that the neurologist's effort to get Molly sleeping has worked wonders. 

Molly is taking medication every night just before bed and she is sleeping much better.  The neurologist thinks that the very difficult post-op problems and the rounds of steroids she took got her inner sleep clock way off.  He also says she likely has "brain damage" both from the surgeries (as with any surgery) as well as from the scar tissue that forms from exposing the brain and other tissues to the outside world.  She's in bed every night at right about 9pm and up at 6am or so. Over the past few weeks there is a marked difference in how good she feels, which is obvious to me as well.

Mol's balance issues are still there a bit, but not too bad.  She hasn't used a cane for many weeks now.  She is able to go to the gym and do low-impact stuff.  She also uses the treadmill at the house. The neurologist doesn't want her running, though she really wants to.  She does power-walking.  She has also just started using a Wii Fit, which is pretty cool.  It's really helpful for her with balance issues as well as other exercise.

The brain issues, including finishing her thoughts and doing more complicated mental calculations and similar stuff is still obviously there.  She is playing Brain Age daily on the Nintendo DS Lite that I got her for Christmas, as the doc recommended.  She is also, almost daily, playing some games (like Mancala) that require her to use fine motor skills.  Her ability to do simple things, like pick up a penny, has been finally improving.

All-in-all, Molly has been greatly improving and now has a bunch of energy and motivation.  We really want to thank everyone who has been praying for her recovery.

We are still looking to a second opinion in February, if that appointment works out. It may be pushed back.  That's the next step, and it will determine the steps after that.

The 2009 Reformission

I've identified 10 changes I want to see in my life in 2009.  Call them resolutions if you like.  I have much more I could say about them, but I wanted them to be somewhat brief here.  The first 3 are general and pervasive through the next 7, and are things I've been working on for years (ordering not important).  The last 7 are more specific (and in order).  I know that it's really God who works change, and that everything below should say "Lord-willing" after it, but just accept that up front if you would.

10. A year of clearer boundaries.  I'm thinking of several areas here including the areas of hospitality (more at #6), personal organization, what I do in my different workplaces, time with my wife (more at #2), what we let our kids do and not do, etc.  This isn't about "tighter" boundaries necessarily (well, maybe in a few areas).  But muddy boundaries make for a muddy life.  Clarity is, well, clarifying. 

9. A year of fewer excuses.  I'm sick of my mind running to look for better excuses for why things aren't different, better, possible.  I've been working on this area for some time because it's a tough one for me. I'm going to work at dropping excuses, admit when I'm wrong, and press on.  "Do or do not. There is no 'try.'"

8. A year of greater risk.  Comfort is an easy default mode for me.  Risk is a sexy word to me, and a sexy idea.  But all too often it's a word and idea and not much else.  This year when I catch myself being too protective or fearful (also see #7) I'm going to try and let go and go for it.  I'm still going to count the cost, I'm just going to try and not selfishly count the cost.

_____

7. A year of saying what needs to be said.  I'm a prophet-type guy.  I used to be the guy who would say things and then find out later that I was actually very bold and courageous and truthful and transformational, though at the time it didn't feel at all courageous.  I've been tamed a bit, and I'm sick of it.  This year I'm going to speak when I feel led to instead of feeling later on that I should have said something.  This will result in things from more direct evangelism, to more regular meetings with church folks who are slacking, to a louder public voice in my city, to many other things. 

6. A year of expanding our "public" space.  I'm thinking mostly hospitality and relational discipleship here.  Some things have led us to restrict levels of private space and too rarely invite people in.  Most of those things are stupid and selfish.  We are going to try to open our home more, enjoy the company of friends and strangers more, etc.  We used to influence people more through things like letting them be around parenting situations.  This worked especially well with university students.  We don't do that enough anymore.  We have been really changed over the years by hanging around older Christians, pastors, and others and watching their life, asking questions, and just sitting and soaking in the relationship.  We need to be more intentional about being there for others.

5. A year of scheduling mission.  This has always been something I've done, but it's waned and I want to get serious about it again.  Unscheduled mission is always easier for me (ALWAYS!) when scheduled mission is happening.  So really this will help scheduled and unscheduled mission.  I've already added some significant chunks into my winter schedule. I'm going to vary the locations, means, and approach.  Along with this I have some ideas from last year that we shelved until some core changes happen at our church, which are coming very soon (see #4).

4. A year of church transformation.  Starting in a few weeks the changes I've been working for at my church for more than 4 1/2 years are finally going to start happening.  We are working on reconstituting, restarting, and renaming our church.  That's just the beginning.  Last year we made some important decisions and went through some real pain to make what's happening in 2009 a reality.  Should be a busy, fruitful, exciting, and risky year.  I'll try to keep you posted here. 

3. A year of discipling our children better.  Last year discipleship was just ok.  We are still not close to what I want for my kids.  I have a picture of what I want to see in their lives, of how I want them to experience the gospel, truth, faith, ministry, and compassion.  Now we will day-by-day begin, one stroke at a time, to paint that picture. 

2. A year of rediscovering my wife.  The end of 2008 was really difficult for my marriage.  We never grew apart or stopped loving or liking each other or anything like that.  But most of my readers know how really tough these last few months have been.  When you spend all the time thinking about how your car isn't working right you never get to experience the joy of being on the road.  You get too focused on the problems.  Same with our relationship.  We need to get out and feel the wind in our hair and hug a few turns on the country roads again, even if Molly's issues mean it will be at a slower speed.  This means things like getting date nights back in order, finding more time in the evenings to just hang and talk about something other than what's wrong with Molly, and me stopping being such a jerk. :)

1. A year of responding better to the Holy Spirit's promptings.  I've noticed, especially over the last half of the year, some things in my life that just aren't in order.  They get better, and then worse again.  I going to spend more time preaching the gospel to myself.  I'm going to refresh the disciplines while also simplifying things a bit.  I'm going to be more protective of times of silence and solitude. I'm looking forward to a growing intimacy with the Lord over 2009.

Lots-o-Links 12.30.08

Brief Molly Update: Mayo Clinic has turned Molly away.  Twenty minutes before leaving for my Dad's house for Christmas Molly received the letter saying that they turn down a lot of people and that Molly isn't a good candidate for an appointment.  Essentially they don't think they would find a solution to Molly's Chiari issues.  Maybe it's because they know Molly's surgeon is already a recognized expert and he would know more than they would. Dunno. We can appeal that decision by sending any info that may change their minds.  I don't know that we have anything like that.  Still looking into it, and other options.  Molly has been sleeping a lot better with her new sleep meds.  Glad for that.

Two quick prayer requests...

• David Wayne (JollyBlogger) has colon cancer and is now home after surgery.
• A good friend and pastor, Shawn Kemp (no, not that one), has to go 3 weeks without talking: "I have a cyst on my vocal cord. I have to go without talking for three weeks in an attempt to let it heal. If it doesn't heal, I will have to have surgery to remove it....there is a risk that it would leave me permanently hoarse."

Links...

Run to Amazon to download The 99 Most Essential Beethoven Masterpieces for $1.99.  World class orchestras and artists in this collection.  I'm listening to it now and it's wonderful.  C'mon, 2 bucks!  Go get it now because the SALE ENDS TODAY!

2009 is the 500th anniversary of the birth of John Calvin, so decorate your church stage with tulips!  Or maybe make it a year of reading Calvin.  Here's a year through the Institutes reading guide.  The Reformation 21 guys are blogging through Calvin's Institutes in 2009 (You can request a reading schedule).  John Piper's new book John Calvin and His Passion for the Majesty of God is officially released tomorrow.  Piper's pastor's conference message on Calvin is also worth a listen (or re-listen).

I don't think I've linked to this yet (and it's late), but Tim Keller had a Christmas article in Christianity Today: "The Advent of Humility."

JD Greear:

• The Three Things I Pray Each Morning to "Center" on the Gospel
• Why The Multi-Site Strategy is Biblical and Can Be the Wisest Course of Action for a Congregation: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Todd Hiestand: Books of 2008 - Leadership

Barnabas Piper: 22 things I admire about my parents on their 40th anniversary

Tim Chester has a new book coming out - The Ordinary Hero: Living the Cross and Resurrection

Virtual church leader hangout at www.churchstaffbreakroom.com

The year in photographs - 2008

Lots-o-Links 12.16.08

Brief Molly Update: We are going to Molly's neurologist today. He will hear that the medications are not working so far.  Then we will hear whether Molly's EEG shows us anything worth knowing.  And all of this is contingent upon the weather not being so bad that we can't go since it's in Crystal Lake and a snow storm is coming.

Jonathan Dodson: Four Church Planting Manuals Reviewed

The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary now offers a PhD in having a quiet time

David Allen has a new book, Making It All Work: Winning at the Game of Work and Business of Life

This 9Marks video is kinda funny.  "It's calligraphy. I can't even read it."

Stephen King lists his 10 best movies of the year

Keller and Powlison: Pastor's Self-Evaluation Questionnaire

John Frame: Christ and Culture audio

Trevin Wax wants you to have some good books...for free

Very excited about Jerram Barrs' newest book coming in May of '09: Learning Evangelism from Jesus

Lots-o-Links 12.8.08

I got an email from my buddy, Marcus, at TheHighCalling.org and he told me one of my articles is now listed as a Best of 2008 article on their site.  Very cool. 

Brief Molly Update: Molly is spending the night awake tonight so she can have an EEG test in the morning. If you think of it, pray for her.  She is already exhausted and struggling the last few days with sleep.  She is sleeping longer but not better.  So tonight is going to be rough for her.

I've started to add music recommendations as well as poetry recommendations to my Amazon Store. Shop there and help the Reformissionary!

David Fitch discusses Dan Kimball and missional vs. attractional...and Tim Keller comments a couple of times.  Fun.

Jeremy Pryor is thinking about the centrality of the prayer meeting.

Ligon Duncan has some good thoughts on a gospel culture in the local church.

Justin Buzzard lists 20 books to read in your 20's.

John Piper on why God is not a megalomaniac in demanding to be worshipped.

Sam Storms is starting to list his recommended New Testament commentaries.  Right on so far in my estimation.

Joe Thorn tagged me in Facebook and said I'm this, uh, person.  If everyone on Facebook who even remotely likes me and who is Joe Thorn's Facebook friend would tag Joe Thorn in one random, funny, or odd place, I would be eternally grateful.

Molly Update: Neurologist Appointment

Just got home from Molly's appointment with her neurologist.  She hasn't seen him since June of '07, which was soon after her symptoms from Chiari I Malformation first showed up.  So since then Molly has had one surgery with the elimination of all symptoms and another surgery which at this point hasn't helped.  The doctor has thrown 4 things at us...

1. To help with her "jolting" issue, which he thinks may be like mini-seizures, she is getting medication.  We'll see if it helps.

2. Molly is now taking a vitamin to help with thinking/memory issues by expanding blood vessels in her brain.  I may swipe some of that for myself. :) I can't remember the name at the moment.

3. To help with sleep Molly got a sample pack of Ambien CR. We'll see how much that helps.

4. The doctor recommended a 15-20% wedge to elevate her head and upper body at night, since lying flat seems to create some of the sleep issues.

It's apparent that we are dealing with symptom alleviation rather than fixes.  We are guessing this is what life will be like for Molly now.  We are still looking into second opinions and possible re-exploratory surgery, but nothing major will be happening until at least after the holidays.

Lots-o-Links 12.2.08

Quick Molly Update: Molly has been doing a little better lately.  She is even starting to sleep on her own (without meds).  It's not every night, but it's getting better.  When she sleeps well her Chiari symptoms seem to be significantly better the next day.  When she sleeps poorly, her Chiari symtoms get all jacked up.  She still isn't sleeping deeply and consistently, but things are headed in a better direction.  We are going to her neurologist (not neurosurgeon) today to ask about the sleep issue.  Hopefully he will have some insights.  Thanks for your continued prayers for my wife and family.

Here's the Advent devotional my family is using (via). We are also using selections from the excellent Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus: Experiencing the Peace and Promise of Christmas.

Karis Church's Theology Weekend audio featuring Bruce Ware is up

ESV SB for your mobile phone - $29

Dan Kimball has some missional misgivings

Mark Driscoll on The Mission and Vision of the Acts 29 Network. It's nice to follow Mark over the past few years and hear the the ways he's changed as well as how he hasn't changed.

Paste Magazine lists their top movies of 2008

Roger Ebert on the death of the film critic (via)

The New York Times: 100 Notable Books of 2008

Lots-o-Links 11.18.08

Quick Molly & Elijah Update: Molly has had a few really great days.  Better balance, more energy, more driving with less danger, etc.  Very excited.  Maybe finally catching up on sleep is doing something.  Elijah had a 102+ fever for 6 days, which included several hours at the hospital for IV fluids, but is back to his normal self.  So glad for that.

In 2 days the Catalyst One Day Conference hits Granger, Indiana.  If you are nearby you should go.  Should be great, and I believe registration is still open.  I'm actually still considering going, but haven't decided yet.

I've been dealing with male leadership in the home with some church members recently.  Here are some complementarian resources I've found helpful on this issue from The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood website...

    Fifty Crucial Questions (John Piper)
    Summaries of the Egalitarian and Complementarian Positions (Bruce Ware)
    We Need Some Leaders! (Bob Lepine)

Download Driscoll's Porn-Again Christian in full.

Desiring God's 2009 Pastor's Conference is on evangelism.

Tim Chester has provided a narrative statement of faith. (HT)

Resurgence; Six ways to engage culture.

Lots-o-Links 11.12.08

Brief Molly Update: We are not going to Chicago tomorrow for Molly's spinal tap because of Elijah's ongoing sickness. Unsure whether the next step will be the spinal or second opinion. Stay tuned and thanks for praying. By the way, we will be looking into a handicapped tag for the van as navigating 1/2 a parking lot is quite a chore for her.  But we are grateful she is going to be able to start driving a little.

Looking forward to the ESV Study Bible going mobile soon. 

If you have no style or need something better, here are three steps to building your individual style. 

Learn to give and take criticism like a man.

Second Rate Snacks = Awesome.

Saralyn really likes Practical Theology for Women by Wendy Alsup.  We have copies (unless they are sold out) on our church book table.

Ed Stetzer: Simply Missional.

Tim Chester: Creating Communities of Grace.

Lots-o-Links 11.5.08

Quick Molly Update: Molly is about to lose it.  She is averaging somewhere around 3 hours of sleep a day or less for the last 6 weeks.  No joke.  She has maybe had two nights where she slept at least 6 hours.  She has had several nights where she didn't even doze off.  We thought it was the steroids taken in the first few weeks.  It's clear that it's so much more than that.  This morning was a breaking point.  She has gone from acting sluggish and tired to wanting to punch me in the face.  That's not all that uncommon, but it's much more than normal.  Let me explain how bad things are...

This morning we sat down to talk and she started to tear up.  I said what I always say when Molly cries, "You know, Jesus didn't cry" (my "Away in a Manger" reference).  Most of the time that makes her laugh and then we figure things out.  Not this time.  This time she barked back at me right away, "MAYBE JESUS DIDN'T CRY, BUT JESUS SLEPT!"  Touche. 

Links...

Lessons from a failed church plant (HT)

5 cool church tools

I know it's last minute, but if you are near Columbia, Missouri you need to check out Karis Church's Theology Weekend.  It's this weekend and the speaker is Bruce Ware.

Jonathan Dodson: Deacon Training I, Deacon Training II, Increase the community in missional communities, Wisdom for planters, especially bivocational

Speaking of missional communities, consider Alan Hirsch's four points: INCH

The art of thank you note writing

Election Night stuff...

I enjoyed Obama's speech last night. It gave me goosebumps. It was like a Disney moment. I watched a sea of people who had the Obama-shaped hole in their hearts filled and wondered what the next four years will look like.

I just hope that Obama doesn't continue in the direction of his voting record. It's remarkable to me and deeply ironic that our first African-American President will be our country's strongest defender of treating unborn babies as less than fully human.

And I'm sorry, but Michelle Obama's dress was awful. 

Did you see the CNN election night hologram? Pretty cool...

Anyone miss Dan Rather? Me too...

Molly & Chiari Update - Halloween '08

(I'm trying to write in a Halloween theme, so some terminology may be a bit creepy.  But beyond the fun it's really deadly serious. Molly asked me to put the graphic up to show how things are going.)

It's a scary Halloween for the McCoy family.  It started with a phone call at the stroke of midnight.  It was Dr. Frim.  Yes, we were expecting his late call.  But midnight is very late...scary late.

Dr. Frim was following up his nurse's phone call earlier.  The MRI's of Molly's skull and brains look good.  He can't find anything wrong.  That sounds like all treats, but it's really a trick.  Seeing nothing wrong when Molly has such evil symptoms means she is running out of options.  All Dr. Frim can do create a bloody mess by slicing open the back of her neck and fixing anatomical features to aid spinal fluid flow.  After that, it's a dead end.

Here's the plan.

1. Molly will have a spinal tap to see if her body's response to surgery has increased her spinal fluid pressure.  That could be the cause a lot of her problems.  I think won't reveal anything wrong, but it's still possible and is worth trying.

2. If #1 doesn't work, Molly will get a second opinion from a pediatric neurosurgeon at the University of Wisconsin in Madison (same place where she got the MRI). Dr. Frim respects the doc there and thinks he's a good, nearby option for trying to figure out what's wrong and what to do.  Problem is, Frim is the guy people go to when other options aren't as good.  When you start at the top there are few places to go...BUT DOWN.....MUHAHAHAAAAaaaa!

3. If #2 reveals something, we do what's necessary.  If it doesn't reveal anything, the last gasp will be to have Dr. Frim hack open the back of Molly's neck again and root around looking for anything that is not noticeable on the MRI but still a problem.  It's a re-exploration of the chiari hoping to find something.  He said about 1/2 of the time he finds something that fixes some or all of the problem, which means there's a 50% chance all that will happen is I do laundry for a lot longer.  That gives me the chills.

If the surgery reveals nothing and her symptoms don't get better, Dr. Frim basically said that we are out of options.  That's a frightening, but very real, possibility. We would then start looking at other things that may help symptoms, though those will probably not help all that much.

After the phone call Molly asked me if things might get bad enough where she would have to be in a wheelchair the rest of her life.  All I could do is tell her that I don't know.  This is as down as I've been in the 1 1/2 years we've been dealing with this stuff.  We are setting up spinal tap and second opinion appointments asap.  I'll keep you up to date.

Please pray for coming appointments and possible solutions.  Pray that we would be content with whatever God does.  Pray for opportunities to minister to others through all this.

Friends of Molly McCoy

After Molly's symptoms returned from Chiari I Malformation in July, we learned soon after that she would face a second brain surgery.  It was devastating to us, but the first surgery went so well and helped so much that we anticipated good things.  As you know, things haven't gone very well.  But that isn't the point of this post.

Before the second brain surgery was even scheduled we had some folks at our local elementary school (including the principal, office workers, and teachers) told us that they were planning a benefit for Molly.  Actually I'm not sure the word "benefit" was used, but they wanted to do some sort of fundraiser to help Molly and our family.  This was completely without provocation and without sharing of any family needs by Molly or me or the kids.  

Molly has invested much in the local schools and everyone there loves her.  Among other things she has served in the Parent Teacher Organization, heads up Market Day sales and distribution, has helped in every classroom of every kid in significant ways, and is the queen of giving scrumptious baked good for every single holiday to all the kids' teachers, the principal, the office workers, even the janitors!  Everyone there knows that Molly has no agenda but to love them and appreciate them and bless them and befriend them.  And now many of them have become good friends and chose to bless her right back.

After much work on their part they chose to start a "Friends of Molly McCoy" organization and develop a benefit dinner, which took place on October 23rd.  They initially hoped to get several hundred dollars to help with gas money and hotel and things like that. But this became bigger than anyone expected. 

It started with a few friends at the elementary school.  Then new people joined up to organize and pull off the event, including some church members and other school teachers and workers.  Danny's teacher served food at the dinner.  Elijah's teacher helped organize the whole event and served at it.  Jack's teacher helped serve food and even was going around the school days before with a jug for people to donate money.  Even a teacher of Sarah's who has been very sick with her first pregnancy was there to serve food.  PTO friends served and donated much.  Several moms of other students got involved, including the notorious Woodstock "Mommy Mafia."  Don't ask. 

Everything they needed in planning the event was donated. The local Lutheran church hosted the event for free.  The food was all donated, including delicious spaghetti from Papa Saverios in Huntley, IL.  The former PTO president had shirts created with Molly's photo printed on it with "Friends of Molly McCoy."  All of the workers at the dinner were given a shirt.  Our worship leader donated his time to play music during the dinner.  People came to set up, tear down, clean up, serve food, prepare dozens and dozens of "take out" orders for those who didn't have time to sit and eat.  The event was advertised in many ways including all schools involved passing out event fliers to all parents and putting fliers up around town.

And what all of these friends of Molly did was bring in hundreds of people at $10 a plate ($5 for kids) and a lot more money than anyone expected!  It was unbelievable.  And there was even a 50/50 raffle that one of the workers won.  She immediately gave her 1/2 back to us. We saw church members there, our soccer team , former coaches from baseball teams, people from Molly's gym, the McHenry County College basketball team (coach is the elementary school gym teacher), and many others from various areas of life.

Today the three key organizers of the benefit from the elementary school came by and gave us a check for well over anything any of us expected.  We are just blown away, and I think they are too.

Add to all this a few other things I don't want to fail to mention.  We have continued to get meals by church and community friends on a regular basis.  Joe Thorn's church provided three big coolers full of frozen meals and a bunch of money for food.  We have also received money prior to and after the surgery from church members, community friends, parents of church members, people we don't really know, and our mechanic.  We've had a couple of teachers pay to have our house cleaned, which is going to happen soon.  Elijah's soccer coach helped organize donations through the soccer league.  They collected much of it from team parents and a paint jug with Molly's name on it.  Again, unbelievable. 

We know we probably missed some things we could mention here.  This isn't so much our "thank you" to those involved, though we say THANK YOU!, and are trying to do that in person and through personal notes.  This post is a public expression of gratitude to God for what He has done.  He has shown his blessing and grace in remarkable ways these last several weeks.  And I want to end by saying that I have learned about how to be invested in a community of people through my wife more than anyone. Thanks for your faithfulness to me, our family, our community, and especially our God.  I love you.

Spurgeon on Suffering, via Piper

John Piper's verbal biographies are wonderful.  I'm listening again to his bio of Spurgeon and just had to throw up a few quotes.  They are rocking me today in the midst of all the stuff our family is going through.  Here's the Piper audio, and the manuscript.

It would be a very sharp and trying experience to me to think that I have an affliction which God never sent me, that the bitter cup was never filled by his hand, that my trials were never measured out by him, nor sent to me by his arrangement of their weight and quantity.

Another...

I dare say the greatest earthly blessing that God can give to any of us is health, with the exception of sickness ... If some men, that I know of could only be favoured with a month of rheumatism, it would, by God's grace mellow them marvelously.

Molly Update and Lots-o-Links 10.22.08

Quick update on Molly.  She is finishing up her third round of steroids tomorrow, so we hope that will have a good result.  But as of today she has had more numbness/tingling in her legs than ever before.  Her balance issues are dramatic.  She is sleeping a little better, but not nearly enough yet.  It's still very worrisome around here, but God is our refuge (we read and prayed Ps 52 with our kids this morning).

Links...

Kung-Fu Election.  "Huck-uh-beeee!"

Good Wendell Berry website that I wasn't aware of until a few weeks ago.  New Wendell Berry Poetry.  New Billy Collins poetry.  Poems for autumn.

JD Greear - Multi-Site vs Church Planting.  Bill Streger - Great Questions for Pastors. Jonathan Dodson - Redefining Evangelism.

Questions to ask before confronting.  Powlison on Friendship Counseling.

BibleArc.  Tom Schreiner taught me this at SBTS.  Could be a cool resource site. We'll see.

I have this ESV Study Bible.  Haven't used it enough to say too awful much (though I like what I've seen), but I do really dig the online version that is available for those who buy a hard copy.  Place for notes, highlighting text in different colors, and the full content of the study Bible.  I will use the online resource several times a week.  You should get one!  Westminster is a great place to buy books, especially ESV Bibles.

A Holy Longing: Beauty and the Gospel.

Total Church Conference audio is up.

Quick Update on Molly 10.16.08

Home from Molly's appointment.  It was about 9 hours of life for one appointment.  Wowwy.  No time to explain, so here's the dealio right quick.

Picked up the kids and headed out.  Stopped along the way to get some food.  Got to the University of Chicago Hospital on time.  Waiting room for 10 minutes, patient room for 1 1/2 hours (with 4 kids in there) before seeing Dr. Frim. 

Actually we saw a resident first, then Dr. Frim.  Lots of questions and a balance test, which Molly flunked big time.  Frim seemed a bit perplexed.  The three residents following his lead seemed bored, but they still laughed at my jokes so I think I made their night. :)

Dr. Frim thinks Molly is still struggling with some kind of chemical meningitis as a reaction to the foreign body (tube) he put in.  So yet another round of steroids is starting tomorrow and will last for the next 7 days.  Near the end of that other anti-inflammatories will begin. 

Dr. Frim changed Molly's nausea meds since that is a huge issue right now.  He feels quite sure it's directly tube related and will get better in the near future.  Also he is throwing a new insomnia medication at Molly hoping it will help her difficulty with sleep.  Her current one is helping a little, but not enough.  Still very tired.  Hope that will change now.  Of course Walgreens ran out (there's a sermon illustration there, don't miss it).  So I have to run to Wal-Mart in the morning to fill that prescription.

In the next couple of days we will be traveling to Madison, Wisconsin for another battery of MRI's.  Hopefully these will show if the spinal fluid flow is better, if there's swelling, etc.  Dr. Frim said Madison has good facilities there for the special MRI's Molly needs.  Wish we knew that last time around.  It will save a bunch of time and money to use Madison.  Plus Fuddruckers is on the way.  Woohoo! 

I asked Dr. Frim about what he thinks will happen at this point and he is still feeling that when some of the above issues are resolved a bit we will see improvement.  That remains to be seen, but let's pray to that end.  Because of the steroids we are still probably at least another couple of weeks away from knowing if the surgery was a success.  I'll update if/when something changes.

Thanks for the many encouraging notes on the blog, Facebook, Twitter, email, etc.  Appreciate all of you and your prayers so much as we struggle through this stuff.  God is proving His faithfulness again and again to us.

Headed to University of Chicago Hospital

Just wanted to give a heads up and ask for your prayers.  I talked with Dr. Frim's nurse this morning and they want Molly in their office late this afternoon.  Things with Molly are still very bad.  She essentially has all of her symptoms from before the surgery plus terrible nausea, increasing numbness, and more.  She is bedridden most of the time with short bursts of up time. 

We really need the Molly's neurosurgeon to figure out what's going on.  We need some answers and a bit of hope.  Please pray.

Molly Update 10.14.08

Sorry not to update you all more, but not much has changed.  Molly is laying down most of the day because sitting or standing makes her dizzy/nauseous. She doesn't seem to be getting better from the surgery, or at least she has hit a sticking point.  A few days ago we heard from the doctor and it seems that they are growing a bit more concerned with Molly's recovery...or lack of. 

Maybe one day soon Molly will wake up and feel much better, but as of today she has all her Chiari symptoms plus some symptoms the surgery, is not sleeping much (at one point slept 2 hours in 2 days), and is emotionally drained.

We assume we will be making a trip to the city this week for a meeting with Dr. Frim to try to figure out what's going on.  Should know today, we think.  It's going to be a miserable trip if Molly continues to feel nauseous even when stationary.  We may need a barf bag donation drive.

Needless to say we are growing more and more frustrated and concerned.  Last year was a breeze compared to this. We see no light at the end of the tunnel.  It feels like things won't get better.  But we also know every rose has its thorn (yeah, I just did that...though I really mean every thorn has its rose).  Honestly, God is really teaching us a lot through this stuff.  It's provided chances to teach our kids things that would be harder to grasp if it weren't for Molly's problems.  Their uncoached prayers have really encouraged us.  And we know that through all of this God is working good (Romans 8:28 has been a family devotion passage recently).

Thanks for your continued prayers.

I want to say one more thing.  Some folks at our local elementary school (Mary Endres) decided before the surgery to have a spaghetti dinner to help Molly and our family.  They are planning food for 300 people!  Molly has been very (!) active in our local elementary school since we moved to Woodstock.  And now all the work she has put in and the relationships she has made are resulting in a great blessing during a difficult time.  We love our local schools, teachers, and workers.  We are very thankful for them.

Molly & Chiari Update 10.8.08

Hey all.  Here's a brief Molly & Chiari update.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, read this.

Molly had surgery 1 1/2 weeks ago (Friday, 9.26...so 12 days post-op).  Her first two days in the hospital were unbelievably good.  She had energy, recovered quickly, and was happy.  So they sent her home.  Her last several days at home have been just miserable.  She lies down most of the time but isn't getting much sleep.  If she tries to stand up and do anything, or sit up and read or watch TV or whatever, she feels terribly nauseous and has to lie back down.  That makes her one very frustrated woman.  Add to that she has numbness in her feet and hands, regular headaches, and other symptoms of Chiari.  She also has some swelling near the incision.  Maybe the worst thing is that Molly has a strong appetite for foods that are difficult for me to find. :)

Molly and I have both talked to Dr. Frim's nurse a time or two, and have kept them abreast of how Molly is doing.  The accepted explanation is that when you put a foreign body into a human body stuff like this is how you feel for a while.  I told you while still at the hospital that this is what they thought would happen after she stopped taking steroids. 

Yesterday Molly woke up with some painful spots on her torso.  It's as if she feels like she has several bruises on her upper torso and arms.  Weird.  A call to the nurse led to Molly going to our local family doctor to seek a blood test to check for infection.  Our family doctor wanted to meet with Molly to check on her himself and gave us the "ok" on the incision (doesn't look infected from the incision point) and her vital signs.  He sent her to get a blood test and the results will be sent to Dr. Frim.

Dr. Frim called in another short round of steroids, including an initial big dose.  Molly took the big dose last night and will be taking more the next 2-3 days.  This morning she is feeling great!  Happy, chatty (too chatty), energized.  We know it's probably short lived once she stops taking them again, but it should help her recover a bit faster and at least feel better for a day or two.  I should also add that her torso pain is gone as of this morning. 

This has been a really difficult time for us.  We are all exhausted and concerned about whether or not Chiari symptoms will go away.  At least Molly's energy today gives me a chance to do some work on my church.  It's been very difficult to find time for that lately. For some context, here's my post 12 days post-op from last year's surgery.  Things were much, much better last time around. 

We appreciate all of you and your prayers for Molly.  Please keep praying.

Music Monday 10.6.08

I hope to get in a few more album/song reviews in the weeks ahead, but I've just been too busy with work and Molly stuff to get to anything of real substance for Music Monday's. That said, here are some great songs. This is a nice cover of "John Wayne Gacy, Jr." (Sufjan)...

Dang! Cut Copy with "Lights & Music" live on Jimmy Neutron's show. Crank it up, stand up, and dance along!...

I have no CD's or downloads from Marissa Nadler, but that may change soon. Great song...

Marissa Nadler - Famous Blue Raincoat from Greg Eggebeen on Vimeo.

I really like the Fleet Foxes, as my Music Monday posts have shown. Here they are with more glorious harmonies...

This one is for my wife who needs some post-brain surgery inspiration as she struggles with symptoms and recovery...

Lots-o-Links 10.2.08

Molly Update: Molly has been really worn out, feeling sick to her stomach, and has been in bed most of the time after returning from surgery.  Because of that she has been very frustrated and wants to feel better.  I'm just trying to remind her to take it slow and realize this is a long term healing thing.

Mark Devine has mentioned me in his new book. The chapter is found here. 

Jonathan Dodson: Why Evangelism Methods Must Change, Tools for the Missional Church, & Church Planting Manuals Reviewed.

Ahh, the growing Covenant Theological Seminary Worldwide Classroom.  What a great resource.

Justin Taylor: From John Piper's new book, Spectacular Sins, What To Do, and What Not To Do, With Evil.

Mark Driscoll is releasing the book Porn-Again Christian online for free.  It will be released progressively over the next several months. 

Josh Harris' Preaching Notes series: Mark Driscoll.

Ahh, the baseball playoffs are here.  Love it.  Love baseball.  Inspiration...

Operation Restoring Hope

Blogging Molly's Chiari I Malformation brain surgery. Most recent updates top of each section.

Section one: Updates on Molly, surgery, hospital stay, & recovery. 
Section two: Updates on me, my experiences, reflections, & photos.

Essential Links

• Twitter -- Immediate brief updates. Links to camera phone photos.
• Centro Photos -- See what we see through camera phone photos.
• Artistic Photographs -- Best quality photos, but updated only occasionally.

Tuesday

2:35pm <> A couple of brief updates.  First, we must add because I don't think I've said it so far that the Hilton Our towels at home are exfoliating scrubs compared to them.  We almost took one to give to a pregnant mom as her baby's snuggle blanket.

Oh, how's Molly?  Good question.  Molly is exactly where her doc said she should be.  She is coming down off of the steriods and looking and feeling exhausted.  She's in bed a lot, resting, healing.  Me?  I'm doing dishes, cleaning, buying & making food, and searching for a little time to be a pastor. :)  God is taking care of my wife and the rest of us.  We are very blessed.

Sunday

8:21pm <> Molly is fast asleep, the kids are still up messing around.  I'm still keeping them home tomorrow.  There's just too much to be done and everything is too hectic to get them there in the morning.  We all need a break.

I picked up Molly's meds, including a steroid (strong anti-inflammatory).  It's the steroid that is probably to blame for Molly's pep.  It really helps.  Plus, it will really help her to beat Lance in next summer's Tour de France.  She beat me at arm wrestling earlier. 

Just so glad to be home with our kids, and even with our cat.  I'm strangely more affectionate toward Calvin post-surgery.

We are getting the feeling that Molly will have to wait a couple of weeks before really knowing how she will do with relief of chiari symptoms.  She has started having the "jolts" a little today, but nothing major.  But the doctor said even prior to today that she may regain some symptoms after the steroids taper off.  She will likely have some confusing days ahead for a couple of weeks because of the inflammation the foreign substance will cause.  At least that's how we understood the doc. 

So if we start talking about some symptoms, I guess the call is to not panic until a bit of time passes.  The jolt is the only thing we've seen so far, and it was there after the last surgery when all other symptoms were gone.  So no worries yet.

Now, as for things we forgot.  I failed to mention that when Dr. Frim put in the stent (tube) he attached it to the brain via what he called a "micro-stitch."  He said he's one of the few doctors who do that.  So let the stitch/sewing nicknames begin!  I like "Steve'o and Stitch." :) 

Molly also saw and talked to several nurses from last year.  Pretty cool.  We even talked to the one who so famously ran Molly into a private room when we needed one so much.  It's neat to see people who we remember and who remember us, but we told them we hope to NEVER see them again. 

I just want to add that au bon pain has a killer onion dill bagel.  Delicious. As we remember other stuff I'll add them here.

6:48pm <> We are home and I'm about to head out and get Molly's stuff from the Pharmacy.  Quick trip home and the kids are great (all but the part about going back to school a day early!).  I caught Molly organizing clothes in the boys' room!  Shameful.  I made her rest instead.  What a woman.  Too bad for you that there is only one of her...and she's mine!

Thanks everyone for praying.  We were talking on the way home about a note on the little things I missed mentioning along the way.  I'll try to get to that tonight or tomorrow.  I also want to update you on Molly's symptoms and what the next few days hold for her.  And then tomorrow my Music Monday post will be going up and the blog will go somewhat back to normal. 

Thanks to all my readers.  You have made the last couple of days more full for us through your prayers, comments, and encouragement.  And together we have seen God build a network of pray-ers around the world, who He has responded to with His favor. 

2:31pm <> Molly is in the process of finishing up here, then changing into her clothes, then I'll be bringing the van around and picking her up.  Could be home at 5-5:30pm-ish, depending on how fast the nurse gets stuff moving, Sunday traffic, and how long it takes to get the kids.  Can't wait to get home.

12:54pm <> GUESS WHO'S GOING HOME!!!  WOOHOO!!!  Dr. Frim and Dr. Ricky Wong just stopped in and they are sending Molly home.  Who's pumped?  We are, that's who!  Now I'm headed to the International House to see if I can get my money back for tonight.  Or maybe I'll postpone it and we can stay the night for our post-op appointment in a week and a half.  Or maybe they won't refund me and I'll just go home.  Whatever.  We are just so excited to be going home.  Should be a couple of hours or so before the orders go through. If possible I'll update right before we go. 

11:28am <> Molly finished a walk up and down the hallway, first with the nurse, then with me, then without holding on to anything.  Outstanding! Seriously, she's doing EXTREMELY well.  These signs are awesome.  And she hasn't had a single "jolt" (a chiari symptom that she had).  Really great news so far.

11:20am <> Just a bit ago Dr. Dey and Dr. Yassari came in to see Molly.  Dr. Dey doesn't read my blog, so I have lost all respect for her. :)  Ah, just kidding Dr. Dey!  You've been a real encouragement to us and have always provided info we've needed at the right time.

Dr. Yassari then talked briefly with Molly and was very impressed with her recovery.  He said her neck range-of-motion is outstanding for this soon after surgery.  I think his words were "better than good" movement.  Awesome.  Then Dr. Yassari said that she may go home TODAY!  Yes, you heard that right.  Maybe home 48 hours post-brain surgery!  We never even thought that was possible, but honestly Molly is way better now than at any point in the hospital from last year.  She's better now than after leaving on Monday and spending two days at home.  That's hard for us to believe, but it's true.  Thanks for praying!  Woohoo!

Now, it still may end up being tomorrow.  And if so that's just fine.  I've already paid for another night for me at the International House, so we're good.  I doubt I can get that prepaid $70 back. :(  Bottom line: we want everyone to be confident in doing what's best.  But we would obviously love to be home and be with our kids.

Saturday

2.10pm <> Molly is looking at a menu.  Good signs of another step in recovery. She has also said she feels much better after this surgery than the previous one.

12:12pm <> Molly is sleeping a ton.  Very happy about that.  Gonna get out, get some lunch, take some photos, check on housing for tonight, and who knows what else!

10:55am <> Dr. Frim and neurosurgery resident Dr. Yassari (I think he's in his 6th of 7 years of residency) just stopped by ICU.  Dr. Frim encouraged Molly to watch college football, which makes me think he said that for my sake.  Thanks Dr. Frim!  He said Molly will stay in ICU until tomorrow, which is longer than expected.  But it seems clear the reasoning is that very few surgeries are done on the weekend, so they probably won't need the room, and it's much more quiet and comfortable in ICU.  After a long night in the noisy Recovery unit, this is a nice way for Molly to get a lot of rest.

Dr. Yassari was talking about how he remembered Molly from last time and how he read my blog about the surgery.  I didn't know he even knew this existed, so that's pretty cool.  I just googled "Dr. Yassari" and my blog is the 3rd hit!  Awesome.  Honestly, we've really liked all the doctors Molly has seen at the University of Chicago: Frim, Yassari, Yamini (haven't seen him this time, yet), and some of the younger residents like Dr. Dey and a few others I whose names escape me.    

10:31am <> I love it! Molly won't shut up.  Geez girl, get some rest!  Love to see her awake and acting normal-ish.

She is still experiencing some numbness in her hands and feet.  It can take some time for symptoms to see much relief, especially since there will be significant swelling from the surgery.  But we'd love to say we haven't seen any old symptoms.  Pray that they will be banished!

9:45am <> Molly is in ICU now.  Going to see her.

9:15am <> I tried to give Molly as much chance to rest last night as possible while still being around regularly.  She still has the typical post-surgery exhaustion, but has some increasing pep.  I really think she is doing well compared to last time around.  I just talked to her on the phone an hour ago and she was sitting in a chair.  Very cool.

That said, she is STILL in Recovery.  Much of last night she was the only patient in Recovery.  Through the grapevine I heard that it wasn't because all the ICU beds were taken, but because there weren't enough ICU nurses to go around.  Well, there were enough to go around for every patient but one...Molly.  Which means Molly is tougher than all the sissies who need 24 hours of ICU.  They can have their TLC and Molly will just sit up in a chair 18 hours after surgery and act like nothing happened.  When the nurses ask Molly how much pain she's in, Molly says, "My feet are sore from jogging through the hallways?"  When the nurses ask if Molly needs more pain meds, Molly replies, "I've saved all the pills you gave me and built a full size replica of Wrigley Field with my eyes closed."  When the nurse asks Molly is she needs to lay down, Molly insists, "The brain surgery itself was so restful that I can't possibly sleep again already."  Yeah, you heard me.  Molly is tough. :)

I'll let you know when something changes.  Should be any time now.

Friday

5:24pm <> No news.  Molly is still listed at "Post-Op" and waiting for an ICU bed.  Haven't seen her since 4pm.

4:02pm <> I just left Recovery (post-op) where Molly was very groggy. She must have hounded the nurse until they let me in!  When I found out earlier that I probably wouldn't see her for a while, I decided to grab some food.  I got in only only three bites when I got paged back and sent to Recovery.  So lunch/dinner had to wait.

Molly is in a lot of pain, more than last time I think.  She has thrown up a couple of times, which was a big issue last time.  I think they've figured it out, though, through a different nausea medication.  Despite all this Molly is still full of life.  For example, the dude in the bed next to her had a post-surgery urge to take a dump.  Oh my, I've located the bog of eternal stench in the colon of U of Chicago surgical patient.  After the loud grunts and the first hints of fog Molly looked at me wide eyed and said, "Run!"  Even after brain surgery Molly is looking out for me.

Pray that an ICU bed would open up soon.

2:18pm <> Word is that Molly may be in recovery (post-op) for some time, just like last year.  There is even the possibility of staying the night there.  Reason?  ICU is completely full for the moment.  I'm not sure when I'll get to see her.

2:00pm <> Just got off the family waiting room phone with Dr. Frim.  Molly is waking up and all went well.  He said there was some scar tissue around the patch he put on last surgery as well as scar tissue that fused together the cerebellar tonsils of her brain.  He pulled apart the tonsils and cauterized them a bit so they wouldn't fuse together and close up the space again.  He also put in the stent, as mentioned before, in the 4th ventricle to aid spinal fluid flow.  Then he tried to make sure the space he created in the last surgery remain as open as possible as he closed things up.

We learned this morning that when brain surgery is done scar tissue is a very common problem.  The brain doesn't get exposed to air so when surgery happens a person's brain will start to scar as a defense.  Different people react with different levels of scarring.  Molly obviously had enough scarring to create new problems, and we hope this will be a significant remedy.  We also learned this morning that scarring can happen around a stent and cause it to get clogged at some point.  We hope that would be a long time from now.

As best I can tell the signs are good for this surgery to have a very good effect.  The incision is going to be slightly longer, as Dr. Frim needed a little more space to explore a bit and make sure there wasn't something else he could do to help.  Thank you so much for praying!  We are very thankful for all of you.

12:57pm <> Wow!  I was just told by the receptionist in the family waiting room that the surgery nurse called and said the surgery is nearly over!  How do you finish a surgery that much faster than expected?  Maybe Dr. Frim just knew something that the other pre-op folks didn't know.  More as soon as I know more.

12:50pm <> Sorry for a later-than-expected first update.  Twitter has been a perfect place for most of my updates, so make sure you follow there.  There are lots of pics there already.

We stayed last night at the Chicago Hilton, 18th floor.  Beautiful place with a view of Lake Michigan, Navy Pier, Soldier Field, and the museums (Field, Science & Industry, Adler Planetarium).  I'll see if I had any photos turn out later on.  We watched a movie and tried to relax.  Difficult to do. 

We both woke up too early this morning, a bit restless.  Showers, some news on TV, no food or drink of course.  Checked out and paid cash thanks to some very faithful and loving church members.  Drove out and made it to the hospital in 15 minutes.  So easy and convenient!  Very thankful we stayed downtown. 

Showed up at the University of Chicago Hospital on time, to the family waiting room.  A little paperwork and then to pre-op.  Molly got into her gown, more paperwork, 3 tries at an IV thanks to Molly's veins, still more paperwork, a hit of something to relax Molly, a kiss and she was wheeled off.  If you haven't seen Molly choosing the stent for herself, it's funny.  It was all her idea too.

The surgery didn't officially start until 11:49am, a lot later than expected.  I heard the surgeon was unwilling to start until he beat his fastest time at Minesweeper.  Tall order.  Now, just waiting.  Should be about 3 hours, so 3pm or so.  I'm supposed to hear something at about 2 hours.

Sunday

2:25pm <> I paid for 2 nights in advance at the International House (not "Of Pancakes," but the place I slept last night).  I went and got the stuff out of my room and asked if they could give me money back for tonight.  I wasn't all that optimistic. Barbara, the nice lady behind the desk there, was so excited that my brain surgery wife is going home early that she didn't even make me pay the $30 for late check out.  Very cool. We'll get a check in the mail for reimbursement in a couple of weeks.

11:54am <> As I've been praying today for my church I've been thinking about how thankful I am for the folks I pastor.  They have been praying, supporting us, and doing what needs to be done while we are out of pocket.  I'm very thankful this morning for Jeff Temple who is preaching.  He's a good teacher and a good friend.  His family is also keeping our kids.  Jeff's wife Saralyn has been so sacrificial as she has had 7 kids (her 3 and our 4) to care for.  What a great family.  I'm also very thankful for good friends from Joe Thorn's church, Rob and Shannon, who are leading worship as our worship guy is away.  Thanks to all.

Saturday

12:06pm <> Put some new photos up on Flickr.

11:22am <> Just added some blue text highlights so you can more easily follow what's happening at a glance.

11:11am <> I forgot to mention something that happened at the Chicago Hilton on the morning of Molly's surgery.  It's not important, but it's funny and indelible. Our room had a beautiful view including a view across the courtyard of more of the Hilton building.  On Friday morning a lady in a room across the courtyard, curtains wide open, decided to parade around in her room in full view with nothing on.  Trust me when I say that I wish, I SOOOO wish, she was fully clothed or that the curtain was pulled.  Not good.  But it made for a moment of humor for Molly and me on a very stressful morning. Strangely, the event is worth recording for all to read. :) 

9:45am <> I know some of you will kick me in the teeth for this, but yeah, I slept in the van last night.  Well, not much.  I took 3-4 short naps during the night and it was very helpful.  I'm not that tired and I think can get through the day.  I'm hoping to get a room at the International House on campus tonight and tomorrow night, but they are supposed to be very busy as there are many events going on.  Pray I can get a room! 

Friday

5:30pm <> For some reason I can't get Twitterfox to work right now.  It's been useful only occasionally.  Mostly using the phone to post to Twitter, and my phone is charging at the moment.  But there isn't all that much to Twitter right now anyway.

5:24pm <> Ate a Greek pasta salad for lunch/dinner.  Really good with rotini, tomatoes, black olives, feta cheese.

Otherwise I'm beat.  Mental, physical, emotional exhaustion.  But the chocolate dipped shortbread cookie helped. :)

2:18pm <> Feeling relief after hearing that Molly is out of surgery. Hungry and looking for food after this update goes up. 

12:50pm <> After Molly went into surgery I returned to the family waiting room with Molly's stuff.  The receptionist said my brother came to see me.  Wasn't expecting that.  For those who remember last year, I have no desire to sit with someone during the surgery.  I like to be alone, praying, blogging, etc.  But, if he's here he's here.

Since he wasn't in the waiting room I had to look for him.  I needed to eat anyway so I headed for au bon pain.  He was sitting just outside.  He said that Dad warned him NOT to come and sit with me, but he chose to risk it since it was only for a few minutes.  Come to find out Scott was already in Chicago for the Illinois Municipal League convention...which is held at the Hilton!  How awesome is that?  He was staying 10 floors below us last night and none of us knew it.  I also found out Scott was probably eating and we walked right by him.  Pretty cool.

He and his wife will also be at the Hilton tonight and said I could crash there if need be.  Also pretty cool.  Good of Scott to stop by.  Nice to see a familiar face just as I was pulled away from my wife.  Thankful for my brother.

Prepping for Molly's Surgery

Hey all.  I think we are finally starting to relax.  If you don't know already, Molly's second Chiari I Malformation surgery is coming up Friday at 10am.  Right now we are spending a lot of time talking and processing what we are thinking and what's coming, and getting all the pre-surgery preparations for us and the kids finished up. 

I'm also still working on an upcoming sermon series, getting stuff finished up for this week's service (which I obviously won't be attending), and doing various other administrative and planning things. 

Here's the next few days...

Tonight: Getting gelato with Molly and the kiddos and relaxing.
Thursday: Kids have 1/2 day of school, home at about noon.  Spending a few hours with them: eating lunch, watching old family videos, having fun.  Dropping them off late afternoon-ish at friends' house in Crystal Lake, IL.  They will be keeping the kids until we return from the hospital.  After dropping off the kids we will be driving to Schaumburg, IL to eat at PF Changs.  Two church members gave us a gift card.  Woohoo!  Then we drive to the Chicago Hilton, which is quite expensive but only 15 minutes from the hospital.  It will help us a lot to have a great night sleep and not worry about traffic.
Friday: We get up early and make sure we don't get to the hospital late.  Need to be there at 9am for pre-op.  Molly has surgery at 10am, should be out of surgery in early afternoon.  Then to ICU for 24 hours or so.
Saturday: Sometime in the afternoon (24 hours after surgery) Molly will move to a regular room in neurosurgery recovery area. 
Sunday: A long recovery day.
Monday: Hopfully Molly's last day at the hospital.  Last year we were home by 3:30pm or so.  If all goes well, that's probably a best case scenario.  It may run into Tuesday.

Like last year I will be blogging the whole thing in one long post with the most current updates at the top.  I will probably put up that post tomorrow.  Last year it was titled "Operation Chiari Freedom."  I'm not sure what I will call this one.  Maybe "Operation Flex-i-Straw Insertion" or "Operation 'I Drink Your Milkshake'" or "Operation Chiari Smackdown." :)  I will also be Twittering feverishly. That's where I will have the most photos, give brief and immediate updates, etc. I may even send myself on "assignments."  What does that mean?  Stay tuned!

Thanks for praying.  Gonna be a long and painful weekend, but we have every confidence in the goodness and mercy of God.

Music Monday 9.22.08

Some good stuff on Amazon's music download specials including a nice Jazz album and Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. Sale prices end today for these albums.

Black Cab Session with Fleet Foxes.  Wow, this is good...

My wife's surgery is Friday, so here's one for her.  Crank it up...

Molly's Surgery is Scheduled

Molly has confirmation of the date and time of her second Chiari I Malformation surgery: Friday, September 26th at 10am.  Yeah, that's a week from today.  We knew that date was possible earlier this week, but the nurse just made it official today.  So here we go with some details.

1. The surgery is the same but different.  It's the same incision, the same recovery time, the same post-surgery rules, the same doctor (Dr. David Frim), and the same hospital (University of Chicago).  The different part is what the doctor does once he's opened up the back of Molly's head.  Last time he created space for spinal fluid to flow.  This time he is going to add a stent, technically (I think this is right) a "fourth ventriculostomy stent."  It's putting a tube at the base of the brain in order to keep the pathway for fluid flow open.  It's a brain straw.  We've asked for the flexy one, but who knows.  So in comparison...the first surgery is making space at the back of the head and second surgery is making a pathway at the base of the brain.  Got it?  Good.

2. I will be live blogging/Twittering this thing.  Reformissionary/Twitter will have all the info you need to keep up, pray, panic, laugh, cry, throw up, or celebrate.  I'm there for you!  Last time all was focused on the blog and there were few pictures.  Pictures will be up all the time through Twitter this time. 

3. The kiddos are staying with church members in Crystal Lake, IL (20 minutes from here).  They are homeschoolers and really great friends.  Their kids are right in the range of ours, so it's perfect.  Our kids will miss school Friday and Monday, but I'm sure they will be heavily involved in homeschooling stuff.  They'll love it.

4. We are nervous.  Molly has been really emotional about all of this lately.  But it's not that we think something bad will happen.  God is good and we trust him fully with all that's to come, even if it's not what we hope for and expect.  We just know what's ahead for the next couple of weeks and none of it is all that fun...it wasn't last time.  We ask for you to pray, especially on the morning of surgery day.  We want this surgery to work and last a long time!  You have all helped us through to this point, and we appreciate you very much. 

Phriday is for Photos 9.5.08

First, my boys are ready to kick some Chiari butt as they sit outside the University of Chicago hospital last Friday.  Second, my four are questioning why the sun is illuminating a taxi.  All my photography.

Molly & Chiari Update 9.4.08

Looks like Molly is in for another round of brain surgery. 

After a 2 3/4 hour rainy drive into Chicago Molly met with her neurosurgeon and found out that the MRI's showed no new problems and that the space the doctor created in the last surgery is still there.  So why is there a problem?  Through a different set of MRI's, the doctor noticed that very little spinal fluid flowing at the base of the brain near the brain stem (from the side view).  He believes that's because there is some scar tissue blocking the way and that she probably needs a stent (or stint), a tube inserted there to allow fluid to flow as needed.  It's what we have been assuming would happen since the symptoms restarted.

The doctor tried a spinal tap to measure the pressure since that could be causing spinal fluid flow issues as well.  Danny (5) was with her the whole time, even looking at the needle sticking out of her spine.  Awesome.  When the doctor found the fluid pressure to be normal he decided to lower the pressure a bit just to see if it might help.  So far, nothing.  Actually Molly is very uncomfortable right now.  If that stays the same Molly will likely be scheduled for surgery again soon.  We are emailing Dr. Frim's nurse on Monday with how Molly is doing and may know more then about a surgery date.

Maybe between now and Monday something will change, but we feel 98% sure surgery is coming soon.  How soon?  Dunno. I'll let you know.  Thank you so, so much for praying.  We appreciate it more than we can express.  For photos and a fairly complete "tick tock" of the day go to my Twitter page.

Molly's Big Brain and Giving Thanks by Faith

As some of you know we are headed to see Dr. Frim, Molly's neurosurgeon, at 10am tomorrow.  They will have reviewed all her MRI stuff, spinal fluid flow info, etc and have a view of where to go from here.  If this is news to you, catch up on Molly and Chiari.  FYI, she's had mostly very bad days lately, but today was slightly better as she was able to walk and stand without constant help.  

If you think of her, pray for Molly's appointment tomorrow.  You may also want to pray that we get there on time, as that seems to be a problem lately.  Chicago traffic is unreal sometimes (most times).  We are driving out at 7am.  If you want to keep up with our trip and get the scoop first, follow my Twitter updates on the right sidebar of the blog, or here.

Molly and I were at the Desiring God conference last year called Stand: A Call for the Endurance of the Saints.  That was just a few months after her brain surgery and elimination of her symptoms.  Now that her symptoms are back there is much good to remember from the conference.  Honestly, I hadn't thought of the conference in a while.  Then today a friend at Crossway pointed me to Jerry Bridges' message found as chapter 1 in the Stand book.  It was good for us to revisit it.  Here's an excerpt...

...Lamentations 3:38 says to us, “Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that good and bad come?” That is, God is in sovereign control over the difficulties and the pain just as much as he is in control over what we would consider to be the good things, the blessings of this life. Now we should thank God for the good things of life. We are to be thankful people. But what about the bad things, the things that we would not choose to have in our lives? Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 to “give thanks in all circumstances,” and then he adds, “for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” That is to say, it is the moral will of God that we give thanks in all circumstances....

How do we do this? We do it by faith. We don’t just grit our teeth and say, “Lord, I don’t feel thankful, but you said to give thanks, so I’m going to give you thanks even though I don’t feel thankful.” That’s not giving thanks. We do it by faith. We do it by trusting in the promises of God. We do it by faith in the words of God through Paul in Romans 8:28–29, where he says “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love him.” And then he defines the good in verse 29 as being conformed to the likeness of the Lord Jesus Christ. This is what God is after. He wants to conform us to the likeness of Christ; so he brings or allows these various circumstances, circumstances that we ourselves would not choose. He brings them into our lives because he wants to use those circumstances in his way to conform us more and more to the likeness of Christ. And so by faith we can say, “Lord, I do not know what particular purpose you have in this difficulty or this pain, this trial. But you said that you will use it to conform me more and more to Jesus Christ, and for that I give you thanks.” So we give thanks by faith.

Stand: A Call for the Endurance of the Saints, chapter 1 "Four Essentials for Finishing Well" by Jerry Bridges, page 34. 

Please Pray for Molly

As most of you know my wife Molly had brain surgery last summer for Chiari I Malformation, and as I said a few weeks back her symptoms have returned...all but the most serious and difficult.  Well, now ALL her symptoms are back now with the addition of a few others I've mentioned before (jolts & headaches).

Molly has taken quite a turn with increasingly worse symptoms in the last 6 days.  She tried to get on the treadmill and walk today, just take a decently paced walk.  She couldn't.  Her legs and balance just won't work.  She is starting to have difficulty with simple mental tasks and decision making.  The occasional numbness in her hands is growing to regular numbness higher up her arms.  Her jolting is sometimes happening 3-4 times a minute compared to 5-6 times a day just a couple of months ago.  She has needed some assistance walking from time to time.  During the Lord's Supper on Sunday she nearly dropped the cup (the holy shot glass) because her fine motor skills are so degraded.

Because of all this her spirit is crushed.  She's already had one surgery that didn't last a year.  We have no idea if another surgery will help at all, or how long it would help.  While Molly is trusting God in all of this, she is struggling mentally and emotionally to believe that things can get better.  I honestly believe that when we see her surgeon next month we will see the potential for good things.  It's hard for Molly to see that.  And while I am working hard to stay positive, watching her struggle with the simplest of tasks and grow very frustrated is very hard on me.  I want to do something to help her get better, and so far there is nothing to do. My heart is breaking for her.

So, less than a month until an appointment with her surgeon.  We are going to try to get some MRI's done before that if we can find a place that has the right equipment. 

Please pray for Molly if you think of her.

Lots-o-Links & Molly Update 7.29.08

Quick update on Molly & Chiari.  Her MRI's haven't happened yet as our local hospitals don't have the equipment to do the specialized ones she needs.  So we either have to go closer to the city or wait until her appointment with her surgeon in September.  Dunno what's going to happen just yet.  I'll let you know.

Some days are better than others right now.  The last few have been pretty bad, though the worst of symptoms from last year haven't shown up yet.  Glad about that.  Thanks for praying for her. 

Here's David Ford's "Song for the Road," which I put up here as a tribute to my wife who is in constant pain, hourly frustrations.  Should she ever wonder if I will be there when she needs me...

Now I know someday this all will be over
And it's hard to say what most will I miss
Just give me one way to spend my last moments alive,
and I choose this, I choose this, I choose this.

Recently on sub•text...
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Other links...

Joe Thorn is rebooting his prayer life.  I'm actually planning some extended prayer in the near future.  Good thoughts from Joe.

Al Hsu points to more Andy Crouch Culture Making stuff.  Excerpts and more.

New Wendell Berry short story in The Atlantic.

David Powlison on Breaking Pornography Addiction.

Jonathan Dodson: Dark Thoughts from The Dark Knight

Ben Arment: How to Attract High-Caliber Leaders to Your Church

William Willimon: Pastoral Wisdom

Thomas Friedman's The World is Flat audiobook FOR FREE!  Get it now, only a few days left.

Kay Ryan is the new U.S. Poet Laureate.

JD Greear: Writing Stuff Down

Paul Tripp has a potty mouth, and he's right on the money...

Family Updates

Two quick family updates.

Molly & Chiari: Molly has received a prescription to get some MRI's done and now has an appointment on Thursday of this week.  These will be sent to her surgeon to see if they note any significant changes or problems.  They are also going to check her CSF (cerebrospinal fluid) flow to see if/how much it's blocked, I believe through another MRI.  If there's anything I know about Molly and her Chiari issues it's that laying still in one position for long at all is very painful and frustrating for her.  Getting the MRI's will be an ordeal.

Her symptoms have been pretty bad.  Every day is painful and she often feels nauseous (a symptom she never felt before with Chiari).  The one thing we are happy about is that she isn't struggling much with balance issues.  A few bad stretches, but not like last year.  Thanks for your prayers.  I'll update when something happens.

Elijah the All-Star: We finally got the schedule for Elijah's all-star games, not that you care.  But we were very surprised to find out the first game is this Sunday morning at 9:30am.  We knew he could have a Sunday game, but we never assumed it would be in the morning.  We felt compelled to have him play since they only have a 12 player roster and at try-outs they said you have to be able to play all games (that was before the schedule came out).  But we also felt compelled to show our son and those on the team that we have priorities that trump baseball.

So I pulled Elijah in to my office and showed him the schedule.  He looked at me puzzled by the Sunday morning game.  I asked him what he thought he should do.  He said, "Go to church."  No fight, no tears, no depression, no struggle, no whining.  He has his priorities in order.  I'm very, very proud of my little boy, and this Sunday we will be missing an all-star game in order to worship the one who made the stars.  Geez, that was cheesy.

Here We Go Again

I was hoping this post would never come.  It has.

My wife, Molly, has started to see symptoms from her Chiari I Malformation again.  It's pretty close to as bad as her pre-surgery days.  Her surgery was July 13th, 2007.  She is having great tension in her neck and shoulders.  Her hands and feet become numb if she sits for long at all, like a 5 minute car ride.  She is having some balance issues and minor issues with thinking and completing thoughts.  She feels all day long like she has chugged a bunch of coffee and is jittery and tense.  I watched her on both Sunday and Monday barely able to hold a bottle of contact solution as she tried to get contacts in her eyes.  Her last remaining symptom from last year, a kind of body jolt, has multiplied and become more severe.  So far the symptoms have only gotten worse day by day.

I know many of you prayed for Molly and our family last year.  For a year she has been nearly symptom free.  Things have changed, and we don't know why.  And we don't know what this means for the future.  She could see her symptoms go away on their own.  We've been told that can happen.  We also know it isn't odd for someone like Molly to have multiple surgeries.  The doctor has asked for new MRI's to check her Chiari and CSF flow.  After he views those we should know more.  We aren't sure how fast we will get the prescription and hear from him.  I will keep you posted.  Please pray.

Here are my posts about Molly & Chiari from over the last year.

Molly & Chiari: One Year from Diagnosis

A year ago yesterday I put up my first post about my wife Molly and her diagnosis of Chiari I Malformation.  A year ago today it was confirmed by her neurologist as her official diagnosis.  Her brain surgery went down on July 13th, as you may remember from this epic post, "Operation Chiari Freedom," describing that day and the hospital stay.  (Read all the old chiari posts.)

Many folks have asked for an update on Molly and here it is.  She is doing very well.  She is starting to eat with utensils again and is responding to my dog whistle.  LOL.  C'mon!  That's funny.  Actually she is nearly symptom free.  Her one remaining symptom is a jolting thing she does without warning.  I have explained it before, but it's essentially like a pee shiver (how descriptive of me), or that moment when you are falling asleep and jolt yourself awake.  The difference is it's slightly more pronounced and very random.  We have no idea what it is and haven't seen a marked increase in the symptom, so we aren't too worried.  But we watch it.

Over the last year Molly has had multiple opportunities to speak with other folks who are facing Chiari surgery.  Some have emailed, some have called.  My blog is like the 16 hit on Google for "chiari surgery" and can be found other ways, and often is.  As my posts tapered off so have some of those who are emailing, but they still contact us here and there.  It's a neat ministry for her.

A year later our main feeling is a deep thankfulness to God for his goodness and mercy.  They have pursued us.  As we have more to say about Molly & Chiari, I will let you know.  Until that time we thank all of my readers and those who have been praying for Molly and our family.  It's good to be facing this summer with renewed joy and fewer doctor appointments. :)

Just Another Chiari Update

Just wanted to quickly update you on what life looks like several weeks after Molly's surgery. 

The three biggest problems right now are...

1. Molly can't lift much of anything.  Still under 5 lbs right now.  That's to keep from ripping her neck muscles apart.  Once we were out to eat and she was stranded at the counter with a tray full of food and drinks that was too heavy.  The kids and I were like, "Where's Mom?"  I went looking and found m'lady looking in need of rescue.  Fortunately I have muscles to spare!
2. You know how you will go to bed and just start to drift off to sleep and then jolt yourself awake?  Molly still has a little of that.  That's really the only remaining symptom, and it's so insignificant we usually don't even talk about it.
3. Molly is just dying to start working out more, but can't do much yet.  She is walking on the treadmill and that's about it. 

Yeah, after an awful summer and long post-surgery recovery life is pretty much back to normal.  We took a train trip into Chicago yesterday with the kids and she did great.  We don't assume there will never be any Chiari related stuff in our lives again.  We know that symptoms could come back someday.  That keeps us on our toes and thankful for the time that things are great, like now. 

By the way, the best question we get asked is, "So, what did you guys do this summer?"  Love that, because we will unload the story on people and enjoy their disbelief.  It's quite the conversation starter.  It also stops conversations.  Like when someone is whining about their silly problems and I drop the Chiari-bomb all over them.  They suddenly have nothing to say about their lives. :)

I have a short list of things I'd like to reflect on now that we have some distance from the symptoms and surgery.  I'll try to get them written sometime soon.  And the next appointment with the surgeon is in mid-October. 

What's Your Excuse?

It's All Good (Post-Surgery Appt)

Great news today.  Despite another awful drive to the U of Chicago (rain, accidents, ugh), Dr. Frim and his colleagues thought things were great and that Molly's few remaining issues were normal. 

Actually, the only issue that really concerned us was lightheadedness when Molly stands up.  Dr. Frim told us that lightheadedness is not only not a bad thing, it's actually a good thing.  Now that the brain/brain stem area is decompressed her CSF (cerebrospinal fluid) just falls out of her head, so to speak, making her lightheaded.  To have this problem at times post-surgery means the area is sufficiently decompressed.  And eventually her body will compensate and this issue should go away.  Awesome.

So, yeah, really good news.  We are very, very thankful to God for his many blessings in recovery, but also for the peace we have had throughout these two scary months. 

Things are going so well we are beginning to plan a train trip into Chicago with the kids in a couple of weeks (or so), a trip to see my family soon, and more.  Trust me, Molly is still taking it slow.  It's still months before she can lift anything of any weight at all and she is being extra cautious.  But things like walking, driving, and doing most other normal life activities are based on how she feels.  And she feels great.

Thanks yet again for praying for my wife, for me and for our kids.